The Queen's Cold Affliction
by changerswriter
Summary: Elsa is attacked and left for dead on a walk and wakes without her ice powers. Follows Elsa's weakness and dependence on her sister, Anna, as she struggles to rule a kingdom, questioning herself and her loyalties. M for violence and language. Could be xElsanna if you squint.
1. The Crimson Snow Angel

Elsa was lying facedown in the snow, and each hot, panicked breath sucked the cold liquid into her mouth. Briefly, she wondered if she was going to drown in the snowbank. Each gasp and cough sent a shrieking pain through her back. _I'm going to die_, she thought helplessly. Her neck craned in an effort to lift her face from the semi-thawed puddle. Her fingers clawed at the hard-packed snow around her. She couldn't move. Hot red blood ran over her ribs and down her spine. She let out a choked, hitched scream._ Anna! Help_, she pleaded in her mind. She tried weakly to pull herself somewhere, anywhere - it didn't matter that she couldn't remember where she was, she just knew she had to get away. The pain was blinding and someone was screaming. As Queen Elsa felt her mind slipping away, she realized dully that she had created a grotesque crimson snow angel. Her head jolted against the cold ground and her limbs became lead.

Elsa!" Anna peered around the opened door to her sister's bedroom. She stopped short. The bed was made and had an air of emptiness, as if the room had been abandoned hours before. Anna dropped her head to the door hinge, feeling a dull disappointment. Lately, Elsa had taken to morning walks around the nearby foothills with a small patrol. She knew Elsa did this to calm her nerves; one time the queen had confessed to Anna, "I feel like I'm under a great thumb. I can't say 'yes' or 'no' without someone having something to say about it." Anna stepped back, trying to swallow her dejection. _I'll ask Kristoff if I can come on an ice delivery run. I need something to do, anyway._ She found herself smiling at the thought, and trotted off, her signature braids bouncing in the air.

* * *

Anna sat curled in a rough brown blanket next to Kristoff. He had a hand on Sven's reigns and the other was curled around his girlfriend's shoulders. Her head rested on his shoulder and she held a cup of hot chocolate in her mittened hands. The new sled Anna had given Kristoff sliced through the snow easily and with grace. She looked away from the path they were taking and admired the beauty that winter brought to the land. It was beautiful in its own regard - Elsa's artificial winters had a perfected, sculpted harshness, while this natural winter was beautiful in its rawness. Her eyes roamed the snowbanks. That's when she saw it among the roots of a tree. A green swatch of fabric rippling in the cold air.

"Wait! Stop!" she shrieked, throwing an arm over Kristoff's chest. He jumped at the noise and yanked on the reigns, his eyes wide as saucers.

"What? What is it?" he asked. But Anna had already wormed her way out of the brown cocoon and was running after the piece of clothing. Once she was close, she stomped on it and leaned down for examination. Blood splattered the corner of the rough-cut fabric. The color was the same as the Arendelle guards' uniforms and it was soft, too expensive to be anything but royally bought.

"Oh, no," she breathed. Her head whipped up and she dashed forward, certain something was amiss. Her boots kicked up snow and she heard Kristoff faintly running after her and calling her name. Her brain was on autopilot; it was as if some instinct was already aware what had taken place. Sparse drops of blood pointed her in the right direction. Suddenly the drops became as wide as a hand. A steaming brackish scent hit her nostrils and made her gag. Anna knew what she would find before she saw it.

A detached gloved arm poked through a half-melted snow mound. A few paces away lay a haphazard body covered in frozen blood. The guard's eyes stared into oblivion. Anna slapped her hand to her mouth. "Oh my God, oh my God," she muttered rapidly. A few yards away lay another green-clad body.

A whooshing sensation spread through Anna's head to her fingertips and the breath was wrenched from her lungs when she realized, "_Elsa."_

"Elsa!" she called in a quavering voice. She grabbed at her skirt and began running, the strewn bodies of the guards leading her like a macabre breadcrumb trail. She skidded to a halt upon seeing the rigid form of her sister against a backdrop of crimson. Anna felt as light as a feather, and she wondered dazedly why she wasn't floating away. She took a halting step, forcing her body into motion. Her sister was facedown in the snow, blood pooling between her shoulder blades. "Oh, God." Anna kneeled next to her, her hands hovering over the blonde's powerful frame. "Elsa, Elsa, please...Please don't be dead. Please."

"Kristoff! Help!" Anna cried as she shook Elsa's shoulders. Tears were starting to form in her eyes, and the bitter wind burned the tips of her lids as she brushed the water away. A faint moan came from below her, so small Anna couldn't determine if it was the wind or not. She rolled Elsa to her back and the motion pulled the queen's limp arm over her torso. The following seconds, as she waited for a response, were the longest of her life. Finally, a puff of steam escaped Elsa's mouth and she opened her unfocused, bleary eyes. A breath rattled through her chest like an old bell.

"Oh, Elsa!" She put a hand on her sister's arm, and pulled it away, shocked. Even through her mittens she could feel her sister's icy temperature. A common thought among the townspeople was that the queen's skin was cold, to match her personality and her powers. But Anna knew this wasn't true. Since the Great Thaw, she and her sister had patched their relationship up well. It wasn't uncommon now to see the sisters casually touching. Anna knew Elsa was supposed to be _warm_ to the touch.

"Elsa, your skin - you're freezing!" Anna put her mittens to Elsa's cheeks. Her heart skittered and her voice cracked. "Kristoff! Hurry!" The sound of laborious panting met her ears, but she turned back toward Elsa, feeling her shuddering under her hands.

Elsa managed to weakly grasp Anna's sleeve. "Help me," she pleaded in a hoarse voice. Her eyes were filled with fear. She let out a choking sound, her face contorting in pain. Her hand dropped like a deadweight and her head lolled to the side, though her body spasmed. Before Anna could even react, the queen's hair changed. It started at the roots and spread quickly to the tail of her braid with a sound like twigs snapping. Now, her hair, which had previously been the color of snow, was a mahogany-brown color, like their mother's. Simultaneously, Elsa's ice dress dissolved to water, landing with a muted splash.

"Anna, what is it? Oh!" Kritoff tripped over his feet and placed a hand before his field of vision upon seeing the queen's naked form.

"She's alive. Kristoff, go get the blanket from the sled!"

Through a low buzz in her head, Anna heard him run away. She rigidly held onto her sister's hands and felt her mind going numb. _Please... _Kristoff returned with the rough fabric, which Anna snatched from his arms and wrapped around her sister's body. She struggled to lift the queen, her arms shaking from a mix of fear and adrenaline, but Kristoff took her from Anna's grip. He held her delicately under her knees and shoulders. Anna sprinted behind him to the sled, noticing with a sinking stomach that Elsa's head was bouncing up and down with his strides.

Once at the sled, Kristoff dropped Elsa into Anna's lap.

"Go, Sven!"

The cold wind cut into Anna's frame and she couldn't help but think how much worse it was for Elsa. Despite the blanket, Elsa's skin was stone-cold. Her lips were tinged a faint blue and her cheekbones had sharpened. Anna shifted Elsa so her face was in the crook of the younger sister's neck, and she applied pressure to her back. Already, she could feel a wetness seeping through the burlap blanket. As they went over roots and stones, the queen's sharp chin would jut into Anna's collarbone, but she only clutched her tighter. _Give me any pain, Elsa, as long as you're still around to cause it. Just. Don't. Leave. Me._

* * *

The guards had noticed the fast-approaching sled and the panic with which it was driven. The door to the palace had been opened as soon as they'd seen Princess Anna, clutching a bundle swathed in red. Sven screeched to a halt just inches from the door and Anna outstretched a hand as the sled skidded to a stop. Kristoff was already by her side, ready to take Elsa from Anna's arms - he'd jumped from the sled before it had even come to a stop. Kristoff carried Elsa up the stairs to her chambers, skipping steps in his haste. Anna ran beside him, holding her wetted skirt in a fist. Gerda, Kai, and the court physician followed behind. Kristoff pushed through the door to Elsa's chambers and laid her softly on the bed, but before his hands had even left her, the court physician was pushing him out the door. Elsa's door slammed shut with Kristoff and the other servants on one side, Elsa, Anna, and the physician on the other.

"What happened?" the physician barked as he unwound the burlap blanket from the queen's form.

"I- I don't know- the guards were dead- she's bleeding-" Anna stammered.

The physician flipped Elsa to her side and placed her bed sheet modestly around her naked form. He reached into a pocket and retrieved a bundle of cloth, which he used to wipe the blood from her back. As he continued, it became clear from his expression that something was awry. Anna worked her hands over and over as she saw the physician furrow his brows. "What is it? What's wrong?"

He glanced from Elsa's form to Anna and back again. "Her wound has healed. I don't know how, but..."

"Healed?" Anna asked incredulously. She crossed her arms and held them close to her body. The motion sent a stream of red droplets from her sleeves. She grimaced and gave the physician a pointed look.

The old man held up hand. "Come. Look." The physician made room for Anna and pointed at Elsa's back. He was right. The wound had turned into a scar already; a sloppy circle with thick, wavy lines reaching all the way to her shoulders and down to her lower ribs.

"I don't understand..." Anna trailed off. "What could create scar like that?"

The physician shook his head. "I've seen hundreds of wounds from all sorts of instruments. I've seen injuries from maces, katanas, swords; burn marks, broken bones- you name it. But I've never seen anything like this." He looked up at Anna and proceeded hesitatingly, "I have a suspicion... It is not backed by any evidence, but.."

"Go on," Anna insisted.

The physician set his lips into a hard line before opening them again to speak. "There's a few things we need to take into account here, Princess Anna. The first thing is that I have _never _seen anything like this before. It's not a natural wound, if you understand what I am getting at." He raised his eyebrows. "I hate to suggest it, but I'm thinking this is an attack of the magical kind."

"Magical? You mean like Elsa's powers?"

"Perhaps," he conceded. "I'm just going off of the information I have... This is too perfectly shaped of a wound to be a multitude of scrapes from a sword, and the healing time is remarkable. Nothing on this natural earth heals as quickly as this." He gesticulated to the unconscious queen. "And one other thing... Her hair. It's brown."

Anna nodded.

"It's odd. What would cause her hair to change color? Your hair turned white when Elsa struck you all those months ago. An act of magic made your exterior change. Why would the same not apply to her?"

Anna let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding in. "What do we do?"

The physician shook his head. "I'm afraid, in this case, I'm going to be of no help. I have no information to give you."

"Well, she's going to be okay, right?" she asked in an accusing voice.

"I... I really don't know, Miss. I'm so sorry... I believe- I hope - she will wake."

Anna pressed a hand to her mouth and dragged it down her chin before letting it fall. "Thank you. You may go," she said without emotion.

"M'lady" he said. He bowed and ambled out of the room. Anna pressed a hand to her collarbone and gazed at the door before retrieving Kristoff.

"Is she-?"

Anna just stepped back and let him enter. She brought a chair next to the bed and fell into it, her strength suddenly diminishing. Kristoff took a moment to look at the queen. Her frame seemed gaunt, her eyes hollowed out and purplish from loss of blood.

Anna reached for Elsa's cold hand and rubbed it between hers. "The physician thinks she was attacked by someone with magic. I- I don't know what's going to happen- if she's going to be okay." She sighed and pulled her sister's hand to her forehead as she hunched over her knees. "Kristoff…She's so cold." She bit her lip until it turned white. "It's so strange. Her hair is different too, and the physician said her back had healed on its own. I don't understand it." She dropped Elsa's hand back onto the bed and stood up in a flash. "I _hate_ not understanding!" She kicked a nearby dresser with her boot, rattling its contents.

"Hey, hey." Kristoff walked over and pulled Anna's shaking body into his arms. "Hey. Elsa will be fine. She's too stubborn to be anything but fine." He touched Anna on both sides of her face, just under her ears, and contoured her neck. His hands were so large. Anna's lips were quivering, so he stilled them with a kiss. "Everything will be fine." He pressed his forehead against hers, and she breathed in his musky scent. Kristoff lightly pushed his girlfriend into her original chair, then pulled one up next to her. He laced his fingers with hers, and Anna reached out her other hand to lace her fingers in Elsa's.


	2. A Lonely Room

Anna bolted awake, unsure of what had woken her until she felt her sister's fingers squeezing hers painfully. The sun had risen, casting a strip of light on the queen's face.

Elsa's eyes were large and alert. "_Anna_. Anna, what happened?" She sucked in a breath. "My back hurts _so much_." She attempted to prop herself up on her elbow, but gasped in pain and crumpled back into the mattress with a whine.

"Elsa! Oh, I was so worried." Anna sat carefully next to her sister and caressed her hair. "How do you feel?"

Elsa wheezed in response and clutched at Anna's hand. "Something's wrong, Anna, help. Something's really, _really_ wrong. I feel so weak. I-" She pressed her cold hands to her head, which had begun to pound. It became harder to breathe, and her body ached. She found herself curling inwards.

"Hey. Calm down. Working yourself up isn't going to fix anything," Anna reprimanded. She touched her sister's shoulder, in conflict with the tone she'd used. "Look at me."

She did.

"Do you remember anything at all about what happened?" Anna asked timidly.

"No. I-" Elsa's throat constricted and she ground the next part out. "Did- did I hurt someone? Did I lose control?" Her voice quavered and her fearful eyes captured Anna's.

"No, no, Elsa," Anna cooed. "You didn't hurt anyone."

The queen let out a breath she hadn't known she'd been holding.

"But someone hurt you," Anna continued.

"What- what's wrong with me?" Elsa asked, her teeth chattering. _Wait. _She outstretched her hands and looked at them uncomprehendingly. They looked the same. Perhaps a little pale. _What...?_

Anna cocked her head at her sister's silent motions. "What are you doing?"

"I'm... cold," she said shortly.

"That's- that's not normal for you," Anna responded. "Uh, I'll go get you a blanket." She jumped off the bed and ran to retrieve a green knitted blanket.

Elsa shook her head as if to clear her thoughts. Her face grew concerned as she asked, "Where are the guards? Perhaps they know what happened."

There was a pause. "They're dead," Anna said quietly.

The queen's eyes blinked rapidly, and then settled somewhere over the redhead's left shoulder.

"I found you, and you were bleeding a lot. Basically if I drew a line from your chest bone- the wound is right behind that. It's healed over already-" Anna began.

"How long have I been out?" Elsa interrupted, dread in her stomach. Surely, if her wound had healed, it had been-

"Just overnight. A few hours."

Elsa looked at her in confusion.

"I know," Anna continued. "We really don't know what to make of this situation, to be honest. The court physician has already seen you, and he thinks you may have been a victim of a magical attack." She hesitated. "We really don't know what to expect."

The queen nodded mutely, taking it all in.

"And, uh, have you noticed your hair yet?" Anna bit her lip.

Elsa choked out an exasperated laugh. Of course her little sister, so concerned with her looks... She took a few strands between her fingers. She gaped at them. Brown. Her braid was brown like her mother's, a rich mahogany _brown._

The queen shook her head uncomprehendingly. "What-?"

"I don't know," Anna sighed. "I mean, when you struck me with your powers" -Elsa flinched- "my hair turned white, right? Maybe _your_ hair turns dark if you get struck by magic?"

Elsa's face shifted once more, this time into horror. She had finally felt the bedsheet rub against her bare body. "Why am I _naked?_" She said it accusingly, as if Anna were to blame. Her eyes finally found Kristoff, who was staring intently at the queen in concern. "Oh my God." She pulled the blanket up to her chin and stared at him, her face flushed.

"How many people—?"

Elsa pushed herself feebly into a sitting position, pulling the sheets over her chest and clutching a pillow. She hissed in pain.

"No one saw you, Elsa. Well, Kristoff did, but-" Elsa buried her head, and Anna jumped up a bit. "Well, he's with me, so, I mean, no offense Elsa, but he wasn't looking-"

"Can you just go?" Elsa asked tiredly.

Anna's shoulders dropped. Her mouth curved downwards. _Asking me to leave? Isn't that a little old by now? _she thought. "Yeah, fine, Elsa," she answered, crestfallen.

Anna padded quickly toward the door. "Come on, Kristoff," she called, an edge to her voice. He smiled awkwardly at Elsa and ran after his girlfriend, leaving Elsa looking longingly at the door.

Elsa sat back against the headboard of her bed. She started to shiver, and pulled the blanket up to her chin, then stopped.

_What is going on with me? _She rubbed her palms over her arms, trying to warm her skin. _What is going on? _she repeated. She breathed into her palms and shook them out, trying to make the circulation run. She'd never felt cold, or even _chilled _before. She looked around her room with an unreadable expression.

Here she was, confined to her room again. If possible, the thought made her feel even colder. She desperately wanted _out_ of this room. She'd been in this room for too long as a child. Elsa didn't want to admit it to herself, but she dreaded coming to this room at the end of the night; it reminded her too much of her troubled childhood and the loneliness that resulted.

The thought prodded at her heart. She'd done it again- she'd told her sister to leave her yet _again_, and she was looking at a closed door, feeling colder than her icy powers. She needed to fix this right now, before these feelings consumed her and she fell into old habits. Already, she could hear the phrase of her childhood sneaking it's way into her head. _Conceal-_

She threw the blanket off and shifted her position so her feet touched the floor. Her hands gripped the edge of the bed, and she forced herself to stand.

A groan ripped through her chest despite her best efforts. She trudged toward her wardrobe and painfully worked her way into a nightgown. As she finished, she took a moment to breathe. Elsa scrutinized the door of her wardrobe, making out the faded outline of where a mirror had once been. As a child, she'd asked a servant to remove the mirror- they'd looked at her oddly, of course- but she had been persistent. She couldn't bear to look at her reflection most days because of the guilt. Now she would have killed for a mirror. She was curious how she looked now. Not because she was vain; in fact, she was probably the opposite of vain- she valued herself too little. Elsa gripped the side of the door and used it to push herself forward. A sweat had been worked up on her brow, but she still felt bone-achingly cold. Her legs trembled and she held her arm out in front of her, awaiting the door that was coming ever closer with each exhausting step. _When did this room get so damn big? _she thought exasperatedly.

Finally, she reached the door. She fell against it in her exhaustion, but used her trembling arm to pull herself up by the doorknob. Her foot gained purchase on the floor as she panted in earnest. With each gasped breath, her back seared. She had to use both sweaty hands to open the door, and yes- a crack of light showed. She stepped back and pulled it open, dragging her feet, clenching her toes in an effort to gain purchase on the floor. She swayed back and forth. Black spots dotted her vision. The door was open enough so that she could sidle through. Her fingers clawed at the doorway as she dragged herself queen took three steps; each one searing up to her thighs, gasping for air, black and yellow clouding her sight, feeling _so_ cold, but so hot, and her back forcing her to crouch over to avoid the pain standing up straight would bring. The floor abruptly met her face, the sound of her falling like a deadweight ringing in her ears.

Her cheek stung from the impact and she moaned breathily, waiting for the blackness to leave her sight. She tried two times to stand up, bracing herself with her knee and an elbow, but fell both times, curled on the floor. "Help," she called, her voice hoarse and broken. "Anna."

* * *

Anna discovered Elsa minutes later, who was trembling with sobs. "Elsa!" Anna cried. Her braids flew behind her as she ran the hallway. "Elsa!" She dropped next to her sister, who was sobbing in an ugly fashion. Her face was splotchy and mucus ran down her chin. "What did you do?"

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry," she repeated. She was laying too still on the floor, which was worrisome to Anna. The only part of her that moved were her eyes and her chest as she tried to catch her breath.

Anna repositioned herself so she was looking Elsa in the eyes. Her palms were to the floor, and she leaned against her knees. "Hey, hey. Are you hurt?"

Elsa burst into a sob. _I hurt so much, Anna. I hurt so much. _"I'm sorry," she repeated, looking completely broken.

It was obvious she wasn't apologizing for the events of that day.

Anna rubbed Elsa's shoulders soothingly, her eyes softening in understanding. "You thought you had to, Elsa."

"I-" she sucked in a breath. "I didn't want to be in that r-oo-oom anymo-ore. All alo-one."

Anna sighed, her eyebrows drawing closer together. She closed her eyes for a moment, an unpleasant look on her face. She finally said, "We really screwed up, didn't we?"

Elsa laughed and hiccuped with tears still streaming down her face. "Yeah, we di-id."

Anna patted her older sibling's shoulder three times. "I need to know if you're hurt, Elsa." She paused. "I'm going to bring you back to my room."

Elsa looked hopefully at the ginger-haired girl in front of her. All of a sudden, Elsa realized her sister was older and mature. She wasn't the five year old who needed her anymore. Her lip wobbled. _I missed so much of your life. _"I can't get up…I tried." She clenched her eyes shut. Hot embarrassment flooded her cheeks. Was she going to be helpless, a prisoner to herself forever? First it was her powers, and now this?

"Okay." Anna contemplated for a moment. "I think I know what you're going to say, but I'm still going to ask you: should I get Kristoff?" She saw the look Elsa gave her. "Yeah, I thought not. You really are stubborn, you know that?" She put her hands on her hips briefly. She sighed. "Okay, Elsa. So here's what we're gonna do." She looped her arm under the queen's shoulder, and held her waist with her other hand. "I'm going to stand up, and you're going to try to get your feet on the ground. We're right next to the wall, so you can lean on it if you need to. And if you fall, I'll be here to catch you. Ready?" Before Elsa could reply, the younger sibling was lifting the elder with a grunted "One, two, three!"

Anna was stronger than Elsa had thought. She pulled her -without too much difficulty- to a standing position. Now it was Elsa's turn. She just had to walk. _You can do this. Just move your feet. _She shuffled, moving much too slowly for her liking. Her hand drifted the wall, clenching at it when she felt most like she was about to fall. But Anna never let go of Elsa's waist or the loop around her shoulder.

Despite Anna's calm and collected expression, inside she was terrified. She briefly noticed the irony of the situation. Elsa was the one who was supposed to look cool at all times, the one who excelled in hiding her feelings. Right now Elsa looked anything _but_ cool. Her face was a mix of emotions, all moving too fast for Anna to really catch. She saw shame, which burned like fire in Elsa's cheeks; pure terror in her eyes and the way her mouth was set; exhaustion in the way her whole body trembled. She saw another emotion but tried to shove it out of her mind, because that was too terrifying to think of itself-

Helplessness.

With each half-step Elsa took, Anna's insides squirmed more. A thought flashed through her mind and she felt crushingly guilty, like she should pitch herself out of the tower for thinking such a thing. In an attempt to assuage her guilt, she held Elsa tighter and carried the weight of her body more, though her muscles screamed in protest.

What thought could cause such a feeling of self-hatred? '_She looks pathetic.'_


	3. Empty Spaces

Elsa fell into the chaise lounge in Anna's room, breathing heavily. Her vision was still dotted with black spots and she pressed a cool hand to her forehead. Anna leaned against her bed, watching as the queen curled in on herself, bringing her dainty legs up onto the lounge. She continued to watch sympathetically as her sister's ashen face slowly cooled to a pale white. After a few minutes, Elsa pulled her head from her hands and looked wondrously around, taking in the sight of the room they'd once shared.

Anna watched her sister carefully, seeing a flurry of emotions shadow her face. Anna's chest constricted.

"Elsa?"

The queen's head snapped towards Anna, but her eyes took a while to focus on her sister's form.

The younger sibling picked at her nails. "It's been months since the Thaw. But we still haven't talked about…about _that._" She threw her right arm out, motioning to the room around her. She shifted further back onto her bed and drew her legs up into her chest. "We've talked, but not about anything of importance. Not really. I- I need to know _why_ you left me all of a sudden. I don't want there to be anymore secrets between us." She sighed. "I can't live like that anymore."

Elsa's thumb circled the soft green couch underneath her. She looked so tired, and for a moment, Anna felt guilty. God, Elsa had been through so much today, and here she was selfishly demanding answers, as if they couldn't wait another few weeks. But the image of Elsa's body on the floor, desperate to escape her lonely room, pressed against Anna's mind. Anna knew Elsa needed to release this just as badly as Anna needed to know it.

Elsa glanced up at her sister's tired expression. She curled her fingers and drew them toward her stomach subconsciously. Years of concealing her powers forced the action. She met her sister's eyes, but they remained closed-off. "I left because I hurt you."

Anna nodded, her chin on her knee. "The white strip in my hair."

Elsa nodded curtly, her face taking on a stoic character. Anna noticed, as Elsa spoke, that her sister's tone was akin to the tone she took when reading out proclamations to the town. Frigid, formal, rehearsed. "We were playing. It was nighttime, and we snuck out of our rooms and went to the ballroom. You asked me to use my powers because you wanted to build a snowman. You were jumping quickly on hills of snow I'd made. I couldn't keep up. I tried to create a snowdrift to save you from falling, but I struck you."

Elsa had been resolutely looking anywhere _but_ her sister, but at this, her eyes darted back. A deep pain was swirling in Anna's teal eyes. They seemed to scream at her, _You can injure me, __but you can't deign to apologize in a halfway decent manner, like a human being?_

Elsa's grip on her all-too-familiar mask slipped and she watched as it smashed against the wooden floor. Her breath staggered as she looked deep into Anna's eyes, the windows to her sister's soul, and witnessed the pain Anna had always tried to hide from her.

_You aren't the only one that suffered,_ a small voice whispered in the back of her head.

"I misfired," she ground out. "I almost killed you, my _own sister,_" Elsa's lower lip wobbled and her nose flared. She tried to blink back the tears that were forming. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry," Elsa moaned as she hunched over, cupping her hands over her eyes. Her shoulders shuddered, eliciting moans of pain as her skin stretched over her wound. It was an odd sound- pain from the heart and pain from the body, combined.

Anna's shoulders dropped. How could she be mad at Elsa for her poor apology? It was clear the damage she'd sustained in the process. Anna suddenly realized that her poor sister was broken in more ways than one. How could she hold it against her? "Elsa, you didn't mean to," she soothed. She moved closer to place a hand atop Elsa's head. The queen flinched at the sudden contact, but soon relaxed. Anna ran her fingers through Elsa's brown hair, noting the oddity of it. The darker colour was almost a warning, of sorts. The same way animals were brightly marked if poisonous.

Anna sighed. "If it helps at all, I don't remember any of it."

The elder sibling shook her head irritatedly, still gulping for air. "It doesn't matter. I hurt you." She took a bracing breath and continued with the story. "Anyways, there's a reason for that. After I - after I hurt you, Mama, Papa, and I went to see some trolls who had magic."

"Trolls." Anna's eyes opened wide. "They look like rocks, but can move from that shape? Sort of near the North Mountain?"

Elsa's eyebrows knit together and she moved to look back up at her sister. "How- how do you know that? You were unconscious when-"

"They raised Kristoff," she answered, still looking down at Elsa.

Elsa laughed self-deprecatingly. "Small world," she said weakly, and paused. New insight caused Elsa to carefully consider how she would word her explanation. "They healed you, but they removed the memory of the accident from your mind. And…all the other memories of my magic." Elsa then shivered violently, causing Anna to jump up and get a blanket. She tucked it around her sister, whose colour had turned ashen again, and sat on the floor in front of her, so Elsa could lay down while she told her tale.

"Why would they do that?" Anna questioned. "Why would they remove my memory? That seems sort of counter-productive."

"Anna, they're trolls," Elsa said roughly. "They aren't know for their intelligence. Kind, maybe, but intelligence, no." She held her breath, then let it out in a whoosh. "They showed me a vision- a mob of people from this village, attacking me. They said I had to learn how to control my powers or that would become my fate.

"So mama and papa locked me in my room. They promised I could come out once I gained control. But I never did. I still don't control my powers that well. I was resentful at first, being locked up in my room. But I started to believe that I deserved it, that it was necessary. I wanted to keep you safe. Mama and Papa taught me to fear my powers, and you mattered- you _matter_\- too much to me to put you in that kind of danger again." Elsa grasped at Anna's hand, and she looked her little sister in the eye meaningfully.

Anna shook her head slowly, dismissing Elsa's apologetic gaze. "Not your fault," she murmured. Elsa continued on.

"The trolls said one thing, 'Fear will be your enemy.' Now I understand it," she said ruefully. "Fear, and shutting off my emotions only makes it worse. I heard you, _every single day _that you came to my door. I wanted more than anything to be able to touch you again, to smile at you. I wanted to spend my days with you, playing like we used to, or even chatting over the dinner table, but I stayed away because I loved you too much. You know that, Anna, don't you? "

The redhead saw her sister in new eyes. All the years she'd been resentful of her sister's isolation- it had all been to protect her. She'd been kept in a prison by their parents. Anna's heart broke for her. She could only imagine the guilt her sister bore, the loneliness she carried.

"I know, Elsa. Thank you."

Elsa gave a small, conflicted laugh. "I did something stupid the other day. I stoked the fire in my chambers, and I pulled every pair of gloves out of my room, and I burned them. I needed to. I needed to break the circle of thoughts in my head: '_Conceal. Don't feel. Don't let them know_.'"

Anna's mouth dropped. She knew Elsa could be emotionally cold, but she'd never heard her sister utter this mantra before. She said it without inflection, making it obvious she'd said it many times before. The phrase had lost its ingenuity.

"Elsa," she breathed. She wrapped her sister in a hug, still shocked. The chill in her sister's skin bit into the redhead, but she continued to clutch Elsa close to her. They stayed like that for a minute, then Anna drew slowly away, her eyes locking to Elsa's, an unreadable expression in them. Her fingers tightened infinitesimally on the slender girl's shoulders. "You didn't come up with that yourself, did you?"

Elsa bit her lip, tears pricking at her already red eyes. _No,_ she mouthed.

Some things were too painful to put into sound.

Anna drew in a deep breath, her shoulders straightening out. Her posture was too rigid. She looked over Elsa's shoulder. "I-can't-believe-him," she growled. There was no way Anna's mother had come up with that ditty. Her soft mother, who wanted only the best for her children. _But if she wanted the best for us, why did she allow Papa to lock Elsa away?_

Elsa's shoulders shook with dry sobs that she kept locked in her chest. Her delicate hands covered her face, though no tears came.

"Elsa, I'm so sorry. I'm so, so, sorry." She held her sister's cheeks, stroking under her eyes with her thumbs. "Listen to me, Elsa. You _never_ have to wear those gloves again. You can spend every night in my room - we can make up for the time we lost. Elsa. I love you, and you never have to shut yourself away from me. I understand now. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that alone. But not anymore. I have you, and I'm not letting you go." She embraced her sister, running her hands through the brown hair. It was only fitting, that, after years of protecting Anna, Anna should return the favor. She vowed to herself she would do everything she could to pick up the shards of their broken hearts.

They didn't have to be alone anymore.


	4. Berries and Blood

Anna rolled over, looking at her sister's sleeping face. The Queen was sleeping on her stomach, stiff as a board. Despite being asleep, a low groan left her with every breath that was released. Anna softly put her hand on top of her sibling's and the intense look Elsa was giving her pillow faded. She didn't quite smile, but at least she wasn't frowning anymore. The younger sibling hadn't slept well, the revelations still pacing her mind. She pushed her bangs out of her face. She noticed that the sun was a few minutes from rising. The purple-reddish light covered the bed and the color triggered a memory.

_The sky's awake; so I'm awake! So we have to play!_

Anna blinked quickly and shook her head.

She readjusted herself so she was lying on her side, one arm supporting her head, the other still atop Elsa's.

_You hurt me, so I hurt you, and that hurt me._ The circular thinking was almost too confusing to understand, though Anna had come up with it. She forced herself to take it slow and lay it out in bite-sized pieces.

_You hurt me by striking my head with your ice...so I unintentionally hurt you by forcing you to be, essentially, in confinement your whole life...and that hurt me because I thought you simply didn't like me anymore. And...that must have hurt you. _

_Jeez, that's confusing. It's just a circle of misunderstanding and pain and fear. Why didn't mama or papa let me in? Why didn't they trust me with this secret? It happened to me, after all, I'm the one who caused this..._

Anna watched Elsa's face during this.

_Well... Elsa caused it, but I caused it, too. It was our fault, both of us._

_Why didn't you tell me, Elsa? _But before the thought was finished, Anna already had the answer. Because Elsa was selfless. She didn't want to put the guilt on her little sister. And because Elsa probably believed she deserved to carry that guilt. Anna couldn't even imagine what Elsa had been through. How had she remained so strong through it all? Anna wasn't sure she would have been able to survive that long without human interaction.

"Why, Elsa?" Anna breathed, knowing no answer would come.

_How have you always been so strong? I've never had to be the strong one before...But I think that's going to change. Is it wrong that I still want you to be the strong one? _

Her gaze slid down Elsa's form, which breathed shallowly. She noticed that Elsa's braid was coming undone, the brown hair still mussed from the attack. For the first time, Anna thought her sister looked fragile. _Like a thin sheet of ice. _The thought poked her mind uncomfortably.

_It's my turn to help her. It's my turn to be a big sister to her. _She rolled carefully out of the bed she'd been graciously sharing with Elsa.

* * *

"Elsa," Anna trilled minutes later. She pushed the door to her room open with her hip, a large tray balanced in her hands.

Elsa shot awake, a half-formed yelp on her lips.

"Oh shoot, sorry, sorry. You're fine, Elsa. It's Anna. You're in the castle. You're safe."

A sigh left Elsa's mouth and she fell back into the comforter. She took a moment to calm the erratic beating of her heart then opened her eyes.

"Hey," Anna whispered. "I made you breakfast...breakfast in bed." She smiled impishly.

"Oh. Thanks," Elsa replied, her voice hoarse from lack of use. She pushed herself to a sitting position, groaning at the stretching of skin over her shoulders.

Anna carefully placed the tray in front of Elsa's bedraggled form. Dark purple circles sat under the queen's eyes, and her normally rosy lips were pale and chapped. The redhead bounced when sitting on the bed, eliciting a slight flinch from Elsa.

"Sorry, sorry," Anna apologized.

The bowl of strawberries tipped and emptied itself on the white sheets. Elsa snickered and covered her mouth with a lithe hand.

"Oh, shush, you," Anna admonished, feverishly picking them up and placing them back into the metal tray. "Trying to do something nice for you..." she muttered, licking a thumb and rubbing a spot on the sheet. "Dammit, that's gonna stain."

Elsa tried to chew back a smile.

"I brought whipped cream too, from the scullery," Anna continued.

"Thank you," Elsa replied, reaching out a hand to pick a berry.

"No, no," Anna cut in. "I'm going to feed it to you."

Elsa made a face. "I can feed myself."

"I know that," Anna said, "but I wanted to do this for you. Just let me, okay?"

Elsa was silent, which the younger took to be a sign of assent.

As Anna placed the berries, dipped in cream, into the queen's mouth, she said, "I never got to take care of you when you were sick, or anything, so...This is me doing that, long overdue."

Elsa swallowed a strawberry thickly. "You really don't have to, Anna. I've never done the same for you."

"Of course you have," Anna replied, dipping another strawberry in cream. "You took care of me every day."

The berry was placed in Elsa's mouth. Confused, Elsa chewed it rapidly and asked, "How?"

"Well, every day you cared for me, whether I knew it or not. You didn't come out of your room, and while I personally don't think you would have been a danger to me, I can understand the determination and love you must have had for me to not be willing to risk anything."

Anna made to put another berry in the queen's mouth, but Elsa abruptly put her head down, and the whipped cream spread across her forehead.

"Oh my gosh, sorry," Anna stammered. "I didn't mean to- you know me- clumsy..." She looked around her for the napkin she'd brought, then noticed that Elsa hadn't said anything in return. "Elsa...? Are you okay?" She tilted her head to look at the brunette.

"Yeah," Elsa replied, her voice thick.

"What...? Are you hurting? Are you mad?"

"No," Elsa laughed. "I just... I missed you. So much." She took a breath through her nose and clenched her hand on the bed sheet, still refusing to look at Anna. "I missed not being able to have this with you."

"Oh, Elsa." Anna wormed her way toward the elder sibling and hugged her carefully. Whipped cream sat atop Anna's left shoulder, but she didn't mind.

When they pulled away, Elsa pretended to wipe the whipped cream from her forehead, but Anna saw that she was wiping her eyes too. She pretended not to notice.

They sat in silence for a few minutes, neither knowing how to proceed. Elsa finally looked up and met Anna's face with a sly smile. Her hand darted into the whipped cream bowl and smashed against Anna's face.

Anna sputtered and wiped the cream from her eye. "What the-? Wha- Elsa!"

Elsa was hunched over, clutching her ribs and laughing. Tears leaked from her eyes.

"You- you little-!" Anna dipped into the bowl and brought a handful of cream against Elsa's face.

The queen gasped. "You can't do that! I'm the Queen!"

"You're also my sister, and an asshole."

Elsa gaped at Anna and sat up. "Yeah?" She drew a handful of berries and launched them at the redhead.

Anna shielded her face and leaped forward, pinning Elsa down.

The queen yelped in fun between gasped laughter. Anna wormed her way over the brunette, attempting to reach the whipped cream while keeping a hold on the older.

"Stoh-op!" the queen screamed, the breath wrenched from her lungs.

Anna flew backward, realizing her mistake.

Elsa hadn't been yelping in fun, it had been pain. "Oh, dear god, Elsa..."

Elsa was curled on her side, holding herself and quivering. A low noise sounded at the bottom of her throat and pierced the air continuously, without stop for air.

Anna outstretched a hand, wanting to help, but fearful she would make matters worse. "I'm so sorry, Elsa. I'm so sorry. I didn't understand..."

The bed sheet was wet with scattered drops of water. Elsa continued to quiver for minutes, her face scrunched and ghostly white.

Anna moved herself to the floor and kneeled against the wooden frame. Her hand found Elsa's, and the queen latched on to Anna's with painful force. Elsa's nails dug into Anna's hand, and Anna pressed her eyes into the crook of her elbow. It hurt, but Anna was determined not to make a sound. She'd caused this pain Elsa was suffering, so she deserved to take it without a whimper.

Eventually Elsa's hand relaxed like that of a deadweight. Anna removed her face from its perch and looked up. Elsa's face had a sheen of sweat on it, and the purple circles under her eyes were accentuated. Her lip had a drop of blood on it, and her eyes were glazed over with tiredness.

"I am _so_ sorry," Anna insisted. She drew her sister's hand toward her face and kissed it in apology, then lifted it toward her forehead. She held it there, noticing the lifelessness of it. Elsa's hand was freezing; it was colder than ice, it was closer in temperature to that of a dead body.

"It was fun," Elsa breathed.

"What?"

"It was fun," she repeated. She swallowed, attempting to lubricate her dry throat. "We haven't played like that since we were little."

"Oh," Anna replied dumbly. "I'm sorry it had to end like that, though."

Elsa's hand flopped in an attempt to pat the younger sibling. "Thank you. I missed that. Don't worry."

The queen fell asleep shortly thereafter, but Anna stayed sitting on the floor, still holding her sister's hand.


	5. Closed Doors and Closed Hearts

A knock sounded on the door.

Elsa rolled her eyes. "Anna, you don't have to knock. It _is_ your room after all."

Anna's head peeked around the corner, a small smile on her face. "No, it's our room now. And I wanted to make sure you were, um, decent." Anna smiled. Her face grew serious quickly, however. "Are you doing paperwork?" Her gaze fell on the expensive wooden writing desk that was sitting on Elsa's lap. A pair of spectacles sat atop Elsa's perky nose, and in her hand was a quill.

"_'Trying_' would be the correct word," Elsa said regretfully. "My hand won't stop shaking. My penmanship looks like a five-year-old's." She brandished the scroll she'd been writing on, her face irritatedly looking away from Anna's.

It did look horrendous.

"We need to talk," Anna confessed.

Elsa's head snapped up from her work, her eyes holding fear and concern. "What is it?"

"I've been talking with the staff... Do you realize it's been three days since you were injured?" Elsa nodded. "...And you've missed several appointments?"

The Queen's eyes widened, the implications dawning on her.

"It's okay, we-"

_THACK_

Elsa landed heavily on her knees next to the bed, her heels under the rough bed frame, burning from the scrape.

"_Fuck," _Elsa spat, clenching her hands on the wooden flooring. Bruises were already blossoming under the queen's skin.

Anna's assistance was delayed by shock. She stumbled forward to help, putting her arm under her sister's shoulder to pull her back into the bed, but Elsa's look dominated her. Anna released the elder sibling and pulled back.

"I _have_ to be out there. I shouldn't have missed those meetings!" Elsa's voice was harsh- angry at herself and her injury.

Anna drew in a breath, bracing herself. "Elsa, you're too sick to rule right now."

Elsa's astounded face gaped back at her. "I am _not-"_

"You can't even walk, Elsa," Anna said gently, cupping her sister's face in her hands. "That's what I came to talk with you about. Just listen, okay?"

Elsa glared back at her sister, her pride keeping her from seeing the reality of her condition.

"I had to cancel your meetings with some officials these last three days. Don't worry, I did it tactfully, and without letting anyone know what was going on behind closed doors."

"Closed doors?" Elsa muttered, the phrase kicking her while she was down.

Anna hesitated. "That's the other thing. We had to close the gates."

"What?" Elsa hissed. She shuddered, whether it was with anger or because of the chills, Anna didn't know. "You have to open them. _Now._"

"We can't," Anna replied sternly, standing up to her older sibling. "Someone attacked you, and it's not safe to leave them open until we can locate them."

"No, no, no," Elsa replied, dementedly pulling on her hair. "You don't understand. The townspeople already fear me enough as it is!"

"That's ridiculous," Anna scoffed. "You saw how happy they were with you after the Thaw."

"They'll assume the gates are closed because I've lost control of my powers again. My grip on the throne is tenuous as it is!" She sighed. "Of course they were happy after the Thaw- they thought they would live in an eternal winter forever! _All I did_ was right a wrong. I have not proved myself to be worthy of their love. I have not proved myself to be a good leader. This will worry them needlessly, and they will become fearful of me again."

Anna opened her mouth to protest, but Elsa steamrolled right over her. "The closed gates will make us look weak to the other nations. They will see it as a sign that I have lost control- that something is wrong in Arendelle- they will attack us- I can't afford to look helpless right now." Her eyes blazed with determination and fear.

"We will look more helpless if we send you off to one of those appointments and you collapse," Anna replied sternly. "Don't argue- you know it's true. With the gates closed, we leave the possibility of a dangerous ice queen who will not stop to think about moral ambiguities. Someone who might lash back at any attack with twice as much vengeance."

Elsa winced at her words. She swallowed her pride and answered, "Fine. For how long?"

"For as long as we have to," Anna answered simply. "Now let me help you back into bed, and how about I help you with your paperwork?"

The brunette's shoulders dropped. "You would do that?"

"Of course."

* * *

Elsa was in the middle of a mound of blankets, her teeth chattering. Anna sat with the writing desk in her lap, twirling the quill in her fingers.

"So... We aren't doing trade with Weselton, for obvious reasons," Anna started, sighing and scratching her head. "We are low on tea in the markets right now- the majority was given away by Prince Hans-" Anna blushed guiltily and glanced at her sister "-during the Winter."

Elsa nodded thoughtfully. Tea was an important resource in the town. It's cleanliness was always certain- tea could be relied on, but a drink from the wrong well could kill you. "Who else trades tea?" Elsa chattered.

"Well," Anna shuffled through a stack of papers, "ah! Indokine trades tea, but they are currently warring with the Lingle peninsula, which we've promised to ally with in times of need." Anna sighed.

"No others trade tea?"

"Only Weselton."

The elder sibling pulled her limbs closer to her body, seeking warmth.

"Get a scroll and set the heading for a letter," Elsa commanded. "Write this:

_Dear Sovereign Rowe of Indokine,"_

Anna's hand scratched the parchment.

_"It is a pleasure to write to you today in request of trade for 24,000 gallons of tea-" _"Twenty-four thousand?" Anna asked incredulously.

"Yes," Elsa explained. "There are roughly eight thousand people in Arendelle, and on average a person drinks three-fourths of a gallon in one day. I'm accounting for size of families and the poor who are likely to risk drinking from the wells. That amount should last two months. Now,"

Anna blinked at her sister. Someday she would have to do this- she would have to know mathematics and politics and how to word things in such a way that would make people want to agree with her.

_"'The Kingdom of Arendelle has henceforth stopped trade with Weselton, and wishes to extend the same generous monetary reimbursement previously offered them. The amount is 30,000 silver coins, which, in your currency is equivalent to 50,000 notes._

_Unfortunately, I have signed a "stand-beside" treaty with Lingle Peninsula, whom you are currently warring with. I would like to find a middle ground that would suit both our interests. I look forward to your reply. Sincerely,..."_

Anna handed the scroll to her sister so she could sign it with the royal seal. "Queen Elsa of Arendelle" was in fancy loopy lettering, and only someone accustomed to Elsa's penmanship would notice the shakiness of it.

Elsa rolled the parchment after she was sure the ink had dried, and she set it on the nightstand.

"Are you sure thirty-thousand silvers isn't too much?" Anna asked carefully.

Elsa grinned. "No, Anna, for that price, I'm practically stealing the tea from them. The kingdom of Indokine is suffering from an economical crisis. Sovereign Rowe is lucky I'm offering that much."

"It sounds like a lot," Anna mused. "I guess I've never really had to worry about money before. Things just always...appeared." Even as she said it, she knew it sounded foolish.

"It's okay," Elsa smiled lightly. "Father was very careful with money. The Royal Funds are very rich. You don't ever have to worry about the price of living." She took her sister's hand in a promise.

But the motion bit a chunk from the young girl's heart. She found the bitter words coming out before she could stop them, "So glad Father was careful with _something._"

The acid in Anna's voice startled Elsa. "Anna..?" her voice drifted off, containing a hint of reproach.

Anna glanced at her sibling, then smacked the writing desk, leaving a hollow thud to echo in the air.

Elsa looked warily at Anna, her lips stuck open in a question she couldn't ask.

"How can you speak about him like that?" Anna asked perplexedly, gesturing to the hallway.

"What are you talking about?" Elsa questioned defensively.

"Father! You talk about him with this- this- _adoration_\- in your voice."

Elsa breathed out through her nose, pressing her lips firmly together in a line. "You're mad; I understand," she started.

"I'm not mad," Anna laughed without mirth. "I'm livid! He took you away from me." She clutched her hands to her chest as if trying to hold her heart inside her ribcage. "He took our childhood- our friendship- away, and you act like what he did never even happened!"

Elsa's heart clenched. Years of hurt were starting to pour out of Anna, and Elsa had taken part in it. Elsa knew better than anyone that the truth didn't necessarily set you free. "Anna, please..."

"No!" Anna yelled. "I just found out what he did to you." Her voice fell away.

"Anna, it's okay..."

"See!" Anna pulled her hands back, revealing tear streaks on her cheeks. "You're excusing what he did. You have no idea what I went through!"

Elsa bit back the obvious retort. "You think I don't know?" she said, dangerously silent. "I _agreed. _I agreed with what Papa said, Anna."

"You were eight!" Anna lashed back. "It's not like you would've been allowed to disagree with him."

"Father made horrible mistakes- I'm not disagreeing with you-"

"You're sound like you have fucking Stockholm Syndrome!" Anna snapped, then dissolved into sobs.

Elsa stumbled on her words and felt the breath leave her body. "I- I-" She swallowed. "I was not a prisoner... and he was _not_ my captor."

"Spoken like a true-" Anna choked and hiccuped, her shoulders falling up and down.

Elsa's mind reeled. She'd never thought of it that way before. She pressed her hands firmly against her thighs. "If you're mad at me, you can just say so." She blinked back tears. "I know the pain I put you through. I heard you all the days you spoke to me through the door. Father may be to blame, and maybe I _do_ have Stockholm Syndrome-" she threw her arm out exasperatedly- "but I was an accomplice all the same. After Father and Mother died, I continued what I was taught. I am just as guilty." She pressed her hand to her forehead. "I know this is all new for you and it's a shock- but I've been living like this for as long as I remember. I've forgiven Father. He only did what he thought was best."

Anna crouched on the bedspread, her head in her hands. "It just makes me so angry," she said in a small voice.

"I know. Me too."

They stayed in their respective positions in a loud quiet for minutes. Then Elsa heaved herself over to Anna. Her legs shook as she shifted into a sitting position, and she pressed her cold hands to her sister's exposed shoulders. Anna suddenly turned into Elsa's body, dampening Elsa's nightgown with tears. "I'm sorry I yelled at you," Anna cried. "I'm just so-"

"Angry? Sad? Scared?" Elsa voiced. "I know. I was too. I am. But we'll get through this."

They stayed like that for a while, Elsa thinking back to the days she'd been locked in her room, wishing she'd had someone to tell her the same thing she'd just told Anna all those years ago.


	6. Stairway to Heaven

Elsa gripped the banister of the stairs with sweating palms. _Oh my God. Could you have put any _more_ stairs in the palace, Great-Grandfather?_

The hallways had been suspiciously empty all day, and Anna had left early that morning to attend to more business. Elsa's stomach grumbled pitifully.

_Be quiet. I know you're hungry._

Normally, a servant would have been waiting by the bedroom door, awaiting Queen Elsa's commands. But the past three days Elsa hadn't eaten a morsel, feeling too sick to even attempt a bite of anything. Yesterday she'd stupidly told the staff not to wait by the door for her, because she would just be working in bed, and her appetite wasn't going to show anytime soon. She cursed her foolishness as she descended another step down the staircase. Her arms trembled with effort and her scalp was damp with sweat. She relied the most heavily on her arms to support her, having realized a few minutes previously that her feet were tingling from lack of air.

Going downstairs was okay, because momentum worked with her. She just had to be careful not to fall over the rail or down the steps. As long as Elsa knew when to sit down and take a break, she would be fine. Going upstairs, she noted, was going to be a different thing entirely.

Elsa clenched the banister with both hands and leaned forward slightly. She counted the remaining steps to the landing. Thirty-four.

_Thirty-four, thirty-four,_ she chanted in her head. _Thirty-four is no big deal. You can do thirty-four._

Elsa took another step, smiling to herself. _Look at how far you've come._

But she didn't take into account how sweaty her palms were. Or how much like lead her feet felt. Or the fact that this dress pooled around her gaunt frame to the floor.

Two fingers slipped from the banister, but before she could correct it, her slow-reacting foot had already taken the plunge to the next step. A fold of slick fabric shot out from under her shoe and her own weight pulled her from the banister, wrenching her shoulder painfully. She slid first on her back, then did a full rotation and landed painfully on her left side, the breath knocked out of her. She spent a full minute retching before the pain could register. Elsa's back spread with a pain unlike any she'd ever felt before. It took the thoughts from her head and the voice from her throat. It was so all encompassing she couldn't even scramble a thought to wish she were dead. She didn't know how long it had taken for the pain to subside, but the sound of her fall had already echoed back four times to her in the vast hall. She dully registered that her third rib from the bottom was wedged uncomfortably in the edge of a stair, and the banister was just a breath out of reach of her hand, and her ankle was starting to ache, and she was still way too far from the bottom of the landing to push herself to the floor.

She moaned.

Elsa took stock of her body and the situation. Without realizing it, she laughed. Of _course_ this would be the outcome. Why would she think anything different- anything _positive_ would happen? Obviously her streak of bad luck wasn't going to end now, would it? "Wha-hat- the- f-fuck- was-hI- thi-hink-ing?" she gasped. "Oh Go-hod, I'm done for." She curled an arm around her head and let her body go limp on the stairwell. "Ca-han't ev-ven fuck-king walk, can-n you?" The pain of the fall mixed with the absurdity of the situation made her eyes start to water, but she laughed through it all the same.

When Gerda happened upon her, Elsa was in the middle of saying "...dih-his-grace" her shoulders falling rapidly up and down.

"Miss!" Gerda rushed up the stairs towards the queen.

Inhuman sounds flew from Elsa's mouth- a mix between wailing and crying and talking and laughing.

"Miss, are you hurt?" Concern flooded Gerda's face, and even though she wasn't as nimble as she used to be, she hit the deck with alarming swiftness to see the young queen's injuries.

Elsa just laughed maniacally in response, turning her head away, tears streaming down her face and gasping for air.

"Elsa?" Her voice jumped up an octave.

The brunette brushed roughly at her cheek, though new tears flooded right in its place.

Gerda grasped Elsa's hand briskly and held her still with a firm hand, fearing more damage would be done if she moved about. With a strained voice she called out, "Help! Someone! Help!"

The only person within earshot was Kristoff, who sprinted through the hall and up the steps towards Gerda. His vision was obstructed as he rounded the corner, but when he noticed a dainty hand in Gerda's it clicked into place.

"I don't know what happened!" Gerda exclaimed. "I don't know what to do."

Kristoff crouched down to Elsa's level. "Queen Elsa, are you alright?"

She laughed in response. "I fe-hell down the fuh-huh-king stairs."

Gerda tightened her lips at the curse.

Kristoff frowned a little and turned to Gerda. "She's only a little banged up. She'd be screaming if she'd broken something. I think it would be best- Can you get me a wheelchair?"

Gerda hurried away, and Elsa hiccuped, clutching her sides. "I'm so-ho screwed," she confessed, looking at Kristoff. She brushed water from her eyes. The twisted laughter was starting to fade.

"Queen Elsa…" Kristoff's voice faded away. How do you comfort someone who has trained their whole life for something, only to see their possibilities collapsing around them?

"How-ow am I sup-posed to rule a ki-hing-dom if I ca-can't even get to the ki-hitch-en?" Elsa covered her face with her hands, giggling uncontrollably into the lines in her palms.

Kristoff didn't answer, just sat in silence with her, resting his hand on her waist to keep her from moving until Gerda returned. She adjusted the wheelchair with difficulty, balancing it precariously on the steps. Without having to be asked, Kristoff picked the queen up, holding her the same way he had four days ago when he and Anna had found her. Elsa whined at the contact his hand made with her ribs. Kristoff slipped her into the hard-backed wheelchair cautiously, and as soon as she touched the seat, she crumpled in upon herself, shaking violently. She pressed her fisted hands to her forehead, her elbows digging into her stomach, and let out a low keen. Kristoff looked away uncomfortably. It was as if Elsa were grieving the loss of someone.

Kristoff took hold of the wheelchair and slowly wheeled the queen down the steps. Gerda walked haltingly beside, acting as a safety net if Kristoff should lose control of the steering. When they reached the landing, he nodded at Gerda, a silent thank you and reassurance. She patted the young woman's forearm uncomfortably and walked hurriedly away, wiping at her face.

He walked silently with Elsa, whose keening had stopped, but who was still hunched over, wracking with silent sobs and shaking shoulders. He saw the edge of the scar dancing along her skin as she moved. By the time they reached the kitchen, Elsa had calmed down considerably. The only hint of her breakdown was the slightly puffy eyes and cheeks, and the way she gingerly held her right side up with an elbow on the armrest. Her left side was tight and bruised, and she breathed in short breaths.

If one had not known what had just occurred, they would assume her injured appearance was the aftereffects of her attack in the mountains. As Kristoff opened the doors to the scullery, Elsa realized with a jolt why he had walked so slowly. She felt a surge of gratitude towards him for giving her the time to collect herself before the staff would see her.

Some of the staff looked up at the creaking of the wooden doors. One young female dropped the pan she was scrubbing and hurried over.  
"Queen Elsa!" She exclaimed, wiping her watery hands on her shift, "We are so glad to see you up and about." She bowed her head, smiling softly. The seemingly innocuous words stung Elsa, but she shook it away and smiled warmly at the servant.

"Thank you," she replied, courteous as ever. "It is good to be…about."

"What would you like, M'lady? I was becoming worried that you weren't eating any of the food we'd prepared." She looked shyly down at the young woman. It struck Elsa that the young servant, who had to look down on Elsa, could still make her feel as though she were looking up to her.

"Yes, I wasn't very hungry these past few days. Thank you for your concern."

"What would you like, Miss? Anything you want; I'll prepare it as quick as I can."

A lightning bolt of pain arced in the queen's ribs. She took a sharp breath in and clutched at her side. After a few moments she exhaled through her nose, unscrewing her eyes, but leaving her right hand over her side.

The servant watched this with speculating eyes, then drew her gaze to meet Elsa's as the queen said, "Sorry about that," through gritted teeth.

"No problem at all, Miss."

Elsa sighed. "I would like some hot glog if you don't mind."

"Of course, I'm on it, your majesty."

Kristoff made to wheel Elsa away, but she turned her head to him and said, "No. stop. I- I would like to stay here if that's alright."

Kristoff nodded. "Sure. I'm going to go find Anna, though," he said, the meaning behind his words evident.

Shame burned in the pit of her stomach. She didn't want her little sister to see her confined to a wheelchair. No longer could Elsa deny the fact of her declining health, and her repeated phrase to Anna - "I'm fine." - was going to be proven a lie. Because Elsa really wasn't "fine", as evidenced by her inability to walk down a flight of stairs.

"I understand," Elsa muttered, her ashen cheeks glowing a dull pink.

Kristoff's gaze seemed to apologize to her as he walked away, closing the wooden doors behind him with a thud of finality.


	7. Princess Anna's Reign

"Well, that was ominous," the young girl said with a chuckle. Elsa cracked a trembling smile. After so much negativity, the muscles of her mouth had trouble with the gesture.

The young servant excused herself to get some ingredients. Her returning form hurried around the scullery, ducked behind other servants, and walked with a swift confidence around the hazardous kitchen. She brought a pile of vegetables and herbs to a table close to Elsa and began chopping.

After a few minutes, Elsa broke the silence between them. "What is your name?"

"Ryia, your Majesty."

Elsa nodded thoughtfully to herself. "It's nice to meet you," she said at last.

Ryia burst into a smile as she sprinkled some ingredients in a pot. "And you as well."

There was a period of silence between them as Elsa watched the young servant peel fruit. Ryia's hair was a light brown, and it was pulled tight in a bun at the top of her head, sharpening her cheekbones. Elsa found herself scrutinizing Ryia's features. The girl couldn't be more than twenty, but the health that should have come along with youth wasn't present. Though she was shapely, there was an underlying slenderness to her figure. Her body had pock-marks of dust on it, but her hands had been scrubbed raw- there was an obvious difference in color between her forearms and her wrists.

"What is it, ma'am?" Ryia's sharp eyes had caught Elsa's wandering gaze.

Elsa faltered. "I was wondering where you went to at the end of your work day."

Ryia chewed on her lip, but the dazzle never left her eye. "Ah. I leave for the outskirts of town, where I live with my mum. We live frugally, but happily." Her eyes met Elsa's staunchly, but they soon softened. "The pay here helps a great deal. I am very indebted to you."

Elsa breathed as deeply as she could. To think how much good had come from the opening of the gates... "Have you gone back to your mother since the gates closed? Since I was attacked?"

Ryia hesitated. "I have not. None are allowed to leave or come through the gates. Princess Anna has made it clear to the staff that all word of your attack is to stay within the castle. I'm sure my mum is fine; worried that I haven't returned, but fine. These are difficult times, and I would not for the life of me risk losing my job." Elsa's throat tightened, and she tilted her head to the side. Annoyance marred her features. Ryia noticed this but politely turned away from her to tend to the boiling pot of glogg.

"You should see her. I'll speak with Anna." Elsa's voice contained an underlying sharpness that made Ryia start.

"Oh, no, no, Queen Elsa. I completely understand. I don't wish to cause a problem between you and Princess Anna." Ryia spooned the glogg into a cup and placed it in Queen Elsa's hands.

"Thank you," Elsa murmured, her brows still furrowed. The young woman gripped the the handles of the wheelchair and steered her into an adjoining room. She placed Elsa at the head of a rough wooden table. Ryia took a seat opposite of her, sighing and wiping her hands on her shift. Elsa tried to be civilized, but her hunger and thirst overtook her and she gulped at the spiced drink. Fire burned at her veins, and she felt a meager strength flow through her. The constant chill in her bones abated.

"Queen Elsa, your ribs are hurt, yes?"

She realized she'd been cradling her left side as she swallowed. "Yes," she affirmed in a breathy voice.

"May I ask what the problem is?"

"I- I fell down the stairs." Elsa snapped her mouth shut, and her face showed shock at having divulged something so intimate. "I'm sorry, I- I didn't mean to say that."

Ryia shook her head. "I wouldn't tell anyone, Majesty. Not to worry."

Elsa gazed down at her lap and the cup of glogg. Her cheeks burned, and she put her hands to them to relieve the heat. When she looked back up, she saw a concentrated expression on Ryia's face.

"May I be excused a moment?" she asked.

"Of course," Elsa stuttered, surprised by the sudden attitude shift.

Ryia returned a moment later with a mortar and pestle, an herb that looked similar to a sunflower, a bowl of water, and a strip of cloth.

She started mashing the flower in the mortar, and spoke to Elsa. "My mum taught me this remedy. She's amazing at this stuff. It should help bring down the swelling."

It took Elsa a moment to comprehend, but once she had, her heart swelled. "Oh. Thank you," she responded. "What herb is that?"

Ryia worked deftly with the pestle, as if it were second nature to her. "Arnica. It helps to relieve swelling." She looked up briefly and smiled.

"Your mother," Elsa began, "is she a healer by trade?"

The girl tipped her head indecisively. "In a way, yes." She peered at the frail queen and nodded to herself, as if deciding something. "You were honest with me. I might as well be honest with you. My mum has some _abilities_, if you will. The way you have abilities with ice, my mum has abilities with healing."

Confusion smeared the queen's features. "Pardon me, but I don't understand. I would think a healer with that sort of ability wouldn't have to live frugally."

The girl nodded good-naturedly, adding hot water to the paste inside the mortar. "A lot of her customers are from the outskirts of Arendelle as well. Nobody has much money to give out there. She trades in favors. They might do odd jobs for her in return for something she helped 'em with."

Elsa smiled, though her heart constricted. This girl deserved to be with her family, and it hurt her to think that her condition was actively keeping them apart. "Your mother sounds like a wonderful woman. I want you to go to her as soon as possible. I will arrange something with the guards so you can get there and back safely."

"Thank you. Thank you, Miss." She bowed her head and spread a yellow paste onto the long strip of cloth. She gestured to the queen's body and asked timidly, "May I...?"

Elsa nodded in assent, and the young girl handed her a towel with which to cover her front. She gently worked at pulling the top of Elsa's dress down to her hips. Ryia tried to muffle her intake of breath at the queen's sickly form. First, she saw a garish scar that stretched from the queen's lower back to her shoulders. It was an odd shape, a rough circle-type figure with tendrils spreading out. Then her eyes caught on Elsa's spine. Each bone stretched at translucent skin, yearning to pull free from her emaciated form. A dark field of bruises flowered from her hip to her lower ribs- around the front and back.

Despite the shock, she went quickly to work. Ryia pressed the poultice firmly to the worst of the bruising and Elsa grunted at the sudden heat. "Sorry," Ryia apologized softly. Before she could tie the bandage, the door swept open, and Anna stepped inside, her face alight with worry. Her gaze fell on the dark new spatter of bruises on Elsa's body and she raced to the front of the wheelchair and crouched by her sister. Anna grasped her sister's free hand and sighed deeply, gazing into Elsa's challenging blue eyes. "I came as soon as I could," Anna exhaled. "I'm so sorry. I had to finish a meeting. How are you?"

Elsa's silence was answer enough. Conflicting emotions battled; embarrassment and shame at her sister finding her in such a helpless state, and indignation at her sister's actions. Shame won over and her face became very hot. She laughed at herself and wiped at her eyes. "I'm okay," she answered thickly. She shook her head. Strands of brown hair fell into her face. "No... I'm not okay."

Ryia stood back from the two, trying to give them some privacy. She held the bandage in her hands, having had to pull away while the two conversed.

Anna looked sympathetically at her sibling. She was so frail, and she recognized the shame emanating from her. "You don't have to be embarrassed, Elsa," she whispered. "Everyone needs help now and then."

Elsa nodded stiffly, refusing to look in her sister's eyes. "Anna, I hate this," she said quietly, glancing at the arm of the wheelchair.

"I know." Anna then looked up at the servant, remembering someone else was in the room. "Who are you?"

"That's Ryia," Elsa interrupted, grasping at Anna's hand. Anna shivered slightly at the sensation of her ice-cold hand. "Her mother is a healer. She knows a poultice that will help take some of the pain away." She clenched her jaw. To Elsa, an admittance of pain was a weakness. Years of denying her feelings made it difficult to accept them, let alone voice them.

"Oh. Great. Thank you," Anna enthused.

Elsa shifted in her chair. "Anna, we need to talk after this," she stated.

"Okay," Anna agreed readily, relief showing plainly on her face. "Um, Ryia, you can go back to..." Anna motioned toward her sister and took a few steps back. The servant came forward, biting her lips, but began carefully wrapping the bandage around Elsa's frail body.

_It's about time she came to realize she needs help, _Anna thought.

"No, it's not what you think it's about," Elsa snapped, having deduced what Anna was thinking from the look on her face.

Anna looked taken aback. Ryia finished tying the bandage and hurriedly buttoned up the back of the queen's dress, then excused herself and ran like a dog from the room.


	8. Just Like Me

As soon as the door closed behind Ryia, Elsa's gaze locked on to Anna.

"What's-?" Anna started, but Elsa interrupted her.

"Who do you think you are?" she demanded quietly, pique in her blue eyes.

"What do you mean?" Anna asked, confusion plain on her face.

"Anna," Elsa emphasized, "_I _am the queen of Arendelle. Not you. Not yet, at least." The brunette attempted to smile, but the expression soon hardened.

_Anna may yet be the queen of Arendelle, and perhaps not too far from now..._ She shook her head.

"_I_ make the laws around here. Why are you making decisions without consulting me? You're undermining me. I'm not-" Elsa hesitated, trying to choose the words that would best convey her thoughts. "I'm not incapable of thinking."

_But you're incapable of walking,_ a snide voice in her head whispered.

"I realize you were just trying to help. Maybe you decided not to consult me because you thought you would bother me. But this is _my_ job, Anna. You're just filling in. You need to _talk_ with me before you go making decisions."

Anna had pulled away during this, and she fidgeted in a seat by the table. Elsa noticed that Anna was dressed in a more proper fashion than normal. Her hair was braided up behind with black ribbons, and she wore a burgundy dress that sat in a v just below her shoulders. The sleeves were rouched at the top and descended in a slimmer fashion to her elbow. The waist was pulled in tight, and the skirt was full. About a foot from the bottom of the dress, the material had black embroidered croci running horizontally to the floor.

"You're dressing more like a Queen," Elsa murmured to herself.

Anna bit her lip and looked down at the skirt before her eyes leveled with Elsa's. Her knuckles turned white on the edge of the chair. "You're right," she said sharply. "I _am_ just trying to help. And yes, I'm dressing more 'like a Queen' as you put it, because I'm the one making appearances right now. You're _sick_, Elsa. Get it through your head; you're in a _wheelchair_, for crying out loud!"

Elsa drew back against the hard wicker seat. "How dare you throw that at me? I'm doing the best I can." Her already pale hands whitened as she clenched them in her lap.

Anna spat, "I'm not trying to take your place, Elsa, but thank you for your input. We're talking about the gates, correct? Yes, I made the executive decision to close them without your consent. You can be mad if you want, but I only did what I thought was best for the safety of the kingdom."

Elsa's eyes narrowed and she shook her head in exasperation. "Keeping children from their mothers? Is that in the name of safety?"

"What are you talking about?" the redhead returned, losing the edge in her voice.

Elsa hissed, "_You told the staff if they left they would be fired!_ What about that is okay, Anna? There is a _girl_ in there, one of the servants, whose mother is probably worried sick about her because it's been a week since she last heard from her." She pointed toward the door angrily, her arm shaking with fatigue, and continued, "That girl who was just helping me lives on the outskirts of town. Her mother probably thinks she was mugged or raped and left for dead on one of the trails. What power do _you_ have to tell that girl, whose family _survives_ on this income, that if she goes home they will lose all the resources we are giving them?"

"I- I didn't know," Anna stuttered.

"That's right!" Elsa shouted, loosing the last of her patience. "Because you didn't stop to talk to anyone about your decisions! Her mother has been out of money for _a week_! She could be starving!" Elsa's heart was pounding painfully at this point, doing its best to accommodate the everyday workings of her body, along with the pulsating anger flowing through her. A whooshing sensation started to fill the Queen's head, and she shifted slightly in the wheelchair.

"Elsa?" Anna inquired in a hushed voice. "You don't look-"

Elsa continued in a slurring voice, "You need to-"

* * *

On the other side of the door, the servants were going about their jobs anxiously. They could hear a muffled yelling through the thick wooden door. Words couldn't be made out, but the anger was clear from the tone of both the Queen and the Princess. Suddenly, the yelling stopped.

It didn't peter out.

It.

Just.

Stopped.

They looked at one another with confusion. If a pin were to be dropped, they would all have heard it, because they had all stopped in the middle of their task.

They all felt the odd shift in the atmosphere of the rooms; the hairs on their necks stood up, as if a lightning bolt had just struck.

* * *

After many long drawn-out seconds had passed, the conjoining door burst open with a shrieked "Help!" and Anna's tear-streaked face made a brief appearance before disappearing back into the room. Ryia was the first to react, racing from her dish-washing post into the servant's lunch room.

The first thing Ryia noticed was the frost that covered every inch of the room; the table, the ceiling, even the spokes on Elsa's wheelchair were touched. As the young servant stepped into the room, however, she realized something. The frost melted underfoot and was already dripping from the walls, though not five seconds had passed since the event must have happened. As she drew closer to the wheelchair, she felt her heart drop to her stomach. Elsa's left hand dangled to the floor, a fragile finger just barely gracing the surface of it. The Queen's figure was slumped over the armrest of the wheelchair, and Anna was crouched by the foot of the chair, shaking Elsa's right arm lightly, saying in a cracked voice, "She won't wake up."

Ryia hurriedly stepped around Princess Anna to take stock of the situation. Elsa's head craned back over the left armrest, the skin of her throat straining against the deadweight. Brown hair curled feebly to the floor, wrapping itself lovingly around her dangling arm. Her knees bent away from her torso, forcing her body in a right angle in the chair and her mouth was loosely open, her eyes closed.

By this time, a handful of servants had gathered by the door, curious. Ryia's instincts snapped into place like a rubber band, having often been an assistant to her mother's work. The wispy young girl adopted a no-nonsense manner and barked, "Get out! Out!" Unaccustomed to the polite girl's tone, her seniors scuttled away.

The door slammed closed.

"Tell me what happened," Ryia ordered, turning her head briefly toward the princess, "and stop shaking her!"

Anna's hand jerked back, and she sucked in mouthfuls of air in an attempt to calm her staggered breathing. "We were fighting, and we both got mad. She started to get really pale- I mean" -she laughed bleakly- "more than she already is."

Ryia placed two fingers at the queen's exposed neck, straining for a pulse.

Anna spoke hurriedly, "She started swaying, and I stopped yelling and I tried to come to her but she just went limp. And the frost- it was _wrong. _I've seen her use her powers before. Even when she's being gentle, the burst of power that comes with it is explosive. You have to understand; she was _so _mad. I probably shouldn't've even been as close to her as I was. There should have been icicles, shards of ice flying."

A slow pulse was present under the queen's damp, translucent neck.

"It was so weak. Almost as if it was dragged out of her. She had no idea it was happening," Anna finished.

"She has a pulse," Ryia stated. "It's too slow for my liking, though. Make the others go away. Queen Elsa needs to be taken back to her room."

Within seconds, the servants had all been cleared of the scullery, and Anna returned looking sufficiently calmer. "What do I need to do?" she asked, patting her sweaty hands on her skirt.

Ryia breathed a sigh of relief. Anna's previous demeanor had been distracting and unhelpful, though she could understand why the younger sibling had reacted the way she did. _Patience, _she reminded herself, _is a virtue. _"Yes, please just do whatever I say. I'm going to require your help shortly."

"Alright," the redhead replied.

Ryia adjusted Elsa's limp form as to be more secure in the wheelchair and made to roll it toward the conjoined door, which Anna opened without having to be told. They made their way quickly yet cautiously toward the great staircase, which is where Ryia halted in thought. Elsa was still unconscious, and neither one of the girls had the heart to pull the queen backwards up the staircase lest she fall out. "Sideways," the servant stated shortly. "I'll take the shoulders, you take the legs."

Anna caught on quickly and positioned herself by the legs of the wheelchair. Ryia humphed as she lifted Elsa's elastic body from the chair. The two worked in tandem, taking steps in stride, Elsa's body bobbing between them. When they finally reached Anna's room, they placed the queen carefully into a bed.


	9. The Throne of Truth

The first thing the Queen thought as she awoke in a bed with no idea how she'd gotten there (yet again) was how banal this ordeal was becoming. She sucked in a breath, preparing herself to sit up.

"Hey, Elsa." A quiet voice slid through the air.

"Hi, Anna." Elsa didn't even have to look to recognize the voice; after all, she'd done it for years from behind a locked door.

"You okay?"

Elsa kept her eyes closed and let her tightened body sink back into the mattress. "I guess that's subjective," she spoke to the ceiling.

"Do you remember what happened?"

"Deja vu," the fragile queen muttered. She sighed. "I know we had some sort of argument."

"Yeah."

"You want to talk about it?" Elsa asked, her eyes still shut.

Anna shook her head, then remembered Elsa couldn't see her, so she replied, "No, not really. It was stupid. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, too," Elsa replied, though she wasn't exactly sure what for.

There was a moment of silence and Anna bit her lip. "We need to talk, seriously, about something."

"Alright."

Anna glanced to her right and saw Ryia leaning against the wall, her arms crossed, and nodding her head encouragingly.

"We're having honesty issues again, Elsa. I'm just as in the wrong as you, though, so don't get defensive. I didn't want to bother you with these matters because I thought you needed to rest. But I have angered you because I did this. I don't want there to be a wall between us again. I was wrong, and I'm sorry. You, also, need to be honest with me. I don't know what you can and can't do for yourself, and I need you to be brutally truthful about your limitations. We can't risk- and the kingdom can't risk- you taking on too much and injuring yourself beyond repair. I will help you with _whatever_ you need, and it isn't a sign of weakness to need help, okay? I need your advice on some matters because I can't do this alone, not yet at least. Can you be honest with me, too?"

Elsa opened her eyes and a whoosh of air left her lungs. She slowly sat up and winced at the stretching of muscles against bruises. She pivoted herself so she could look at her little sister. The queen realized Ryia was in the room, but decided to go on with what she was about to say, despite the fact that she never would have in the past.

Elsa's usual rigid posture was sagging, crippled and defeated against the bed. Her back made a "C" and the fact that her arms were pushing against her legs was the only thing keeping her upright.

"I need help," she croaked. Gravity pressed down on her shoulder blades like a heavy boulder. "I... I feel so sick, Anna. I hate having to use the wheelchair, but...I think I actually need it." She wiped a single tear from the corner of her eye.

"Okay," Anna coaxed. "That's fine, Elsa. You'll be out of it soon enough, I'm sure. What else?"

"I need Ryia to help me." The sentence was dragged out from the deepest part of her soul, desperate and humiliated and pleading.

"That's no problem, Queen Elsa. I would love to help you. Do you need anything right now?"

Elsa's teeth ground and her face crumpled, quickly dissolving into a sob. Tears tracked down her sallow cheeks, and she choked out, "Please, something, _anything_ for the pain. It hurts so much! It hurts so much." She kept repeating the last two words as her chest wracked with sobs. She covered her face with clawed hands.

Ryia retreated to the kitchen to get her supplies, leaving the two siblings to talk. Elsa ran her arm across her face and took a steadying couple breaths. "Something is very, very wrong inside me," Elsa wheezed, looking her sister dead in the eye. "I don't know what it is, but I can _feel_ it. I can feel this hunger in my bloodstream. I can feel myself dying, Anna. Little by little. And I'm scared and I _hurt_."

The redhead sprang from her seat and crossed the gap in two steps. She pulled Elsa's thin form into her own and held her as tightly as she could without hurting the other. Anna hardened her heart, knowing that there had been enough tears lately, and her own would do no good. Her sadness and fear would not help Elsa. She needed to be strong. She swallowed the knot in her throat and looked determinedly at the wall. She would not look at her sister's emaciated form, and she would pretend not to feel the jutting vertebrae. She would just hold her, because Elsa needed to know the comfort of another human being. She needed to have a reason to fight.

Ryia returned with an armload of supplies, and asked a quiet, "May I...?" gesturing to the queen's work desk. Elsa nodded sharply and Ryia went to work.

As Ryia walked over, several minutes later, Elsa retracted from Anna's grip and let the servant start removing her clothing.

Anna asked, "Elsa, do you want me to...?"

Elsa sighed and replied in a quiet voice, "I don't care anymore... I'm too tired to care."

Anna nodded and took a seat next to her elder sibling, running her hand through Elsa's brown hair, which had become disheveled in the night. Ryia successfully removed the queen's clothing and started to treat the injuries.

Anna witnessed the queen's form in full, and despite the horror she felt, she pushed it down. When faced with the scar on Elsa's back, a circle with sloppy lines from lower ribs to shoulders, she didn't bat an eye. When faced with the multitude of bruises down her side from her fall down the stairs, she didn't gulp. When faced with Elsa's diaphanous skin, her heart didn't miss a bit. And she certainly didn't gasp at the frailty of her sister, whose fingers were like twigs, collarbones like sticks, and legs like bamboo shoots.

At least, not outwardly.

Ryia dressed the queen's wounds, then dressed the queen. Anna moved to the side during this and looked away, allowing herself a brief moment of panic. By the time she turned, her face had set back into a composed expression and no one was the wiser.

Elsa's face took on a more relaxed expression, the medical attention taking the edge of the pain off. She breathed in without very much pain for the first time since the accident.

"Anna, could you help me please?" Elsa asked, demure, reaching an arm out.

Anna returned to the bedside and helped the the Queen of Arendelle into her new throne, the one with wheels.


	10. Reflections

It had been ten days since Elsa had been found on a trail in the foothills, and still there were no clues as to who had attacked her.

"Are you sure you can't remember anything?" Anna prodded yet again, picking a rose from a bush within the castle grounds.

"Anna, I've told you over and over that I can't remember anything." She flinched. "Not anything important, anyway. Nothing that would help to figure out who...who did this." She gestured weakly at herself. Elsa was parked in a slant of sunlight that had managed to peek through the closed gates, while Anna wandered aimlessly through the Royal Gardens. Elsa had in fact been the one to suggest a visit to the gardens, because the sunlight helped to warm her bones, though only slightly. Either way, it was better than being cooped in the drafty castle.

Anna, Kristoff, and the servants had helped move her belongings into a room on the first floor, which, granted, had taken nearly all three days. When one is cooped inside a bedroom their whole life, they manage to bring every necessity they could want into the one room. Elsa had thrown a mild fit at having to be moved to a first-floor room before Anna raced over to calm her down, not wanting to risk another accident like the one in the scullery. Anna had seen Elsa come too close to death twice in the last week, and she didn't know if her heart could manage a third. Anna had promised the older sibling she would move downstairs as well so as to be closer, and if she wanted, she would even move into the same bedroom. Elsa had agreed readily to it, though she admitted that if Anna needed her own space she would understand.

Elsa squinted at the closed gates, standing tall and foreboding. _Like a cage_, she thought, a spark of fire in her heart. She breathed in a hitched breath and turned her gaze back to her sister. Anna looked up from a flower she'd been picking, and Elsa smiled lightly at the redhead standing under the pergola.

"What are we going to do, then?" Anna asked quietly, her voice taking on a more somber tone. "What are we going to do if we can't find the person who attacked you? The guards I- we-'ve sent out haven't found any clues, and you don't remember anything about your attacker. Are we just...going to stay locked in here forever?" Anna dropped the rose she'd been holding, a thousand-yard stare directed toward the gates. She walked slowly toward her sister. Still observing the great wooden doors she said, "I mean, if that's what we must do, then I understand." She took her sister's cool hand and held it carefully.

Elsa shook her head and tugged gently on Anna's hand to draw her gaze toward her. Anna knelt down so she was face-to-face with the gaunt queen. "No. I have never been in favor of a closed-door policy. Not when I was a child, and not now. They _will_ be open again. In fact, Anna, if you wanted to open them now I would have no problem with it. I hate to see you suffer because of me."

"This isn't your fault though," the younger stated.

"I know," Elsa conceded. She drew her hand back from Anna's and leaned against the chair. "What I'm trying to say is, I'm not scared. If whoever did this to me, if he or she really wants to kill me, I don't think they'll have a problem getting through the gates, closed or otherwise."

"Don't say that."

Elsa sighed. "It's just true." She closed her paper-thin eyelids. The skin under her eyes was waxy and purple-hued. She opened them again and smiled ruefully. "This is going to sound very vain, but if I couldn't stop whoever did this to me, I don't think a wall and some guards on top of a bastion will deter them. Despite that, I'm not even sure that they intended to kill me."

Anna sat on the cobblestones and tilted her head to see her sister. "What makes you think that?" she asked, puzzled.

Elsa closed her eyes once again and was silent for a minute. Finally she said, "Well, I'm still here, aren't I? I was at their mercy, and for some reason they let me go."

"I don't know about that," Anna argued, "You looked pretty close to dead when I showed up. I don't think they intended to let you live at all."

"Then what about the scar?" Elsa fired back. "It healed in less than one day. Why go to the trouble to heal it at all unless they wanted me alive?"

"Maybe they didn't heal it," Anna said quietly, the realization stunning her. "Maybe your powers healed you somehow."

"I don't know, Anna." Elsa shrugged her shoulders slightly, grimacing at the maneuver. "All I know is that I'll be very glad when this is all over and I can go back to taking care of duties, and walking, and joking with Olaf-"

Elsa's faintly beating heart plummeted and became a rock in her bowels. What little air her lungs had managed to procure deflated like a balloon.

_Oh, god..._

Elsa's face was frozen, mouth still half formed around the name. Her eyelids fluttered quickly but her eyes stayed glued on the plant she'd been looking at while talking.

"Oh my gosh, Olaf!" Anna exclaimed. "I completely forgot. I've been so busy taking care of you; I haven't even seen him lately. I'm sorry, Elsa, I need to go find him and tell him what happened." The bustle of Anna's dress was already whooshing by Elsa's wheelchair before she'd even finished speaking. "I'll be back in a moment!" she called over her shoulder.

_Oh, god._

Elsa's hands started shaking on the armrests of the wheelchair and she started to hyperventilate.

A low buzz filled her ear.

She wheeled herself backwards frantically and pivoted the chair. She couldn't make it move fast enough; her hands kept slipping on the wheels. She managed to enter the front door without anyone noticing.

She was unseen on the way to her first-level bedroom.

Elsa rammed into the door to her new bedroom, the brakes of the chair the last thing on her mind. She wrenched the door open and drew herself inside, locking the door behind her.

_No, no, no, he's fine you know he's fine he has to be fine of course he's fine, don't be stupid, Elsa._

The shades were still drawn so the room was dark. But that was alright, Elsa liked the dark and could handle the dark, at least this type of darkness.

She realized she was muttering unintelligibly into shaking hands that were steadily moving toward her scalp, pushing her hair out of the way.

"Focus, focus," she whispered.

She brandished her right palm.

Empty. Empty.

"No, no, no, come on, focus." She shook her hand painfully and said hurriedly, "It's fine, you're fine, he's fine."

She concentrated and brandished her right palm again.

Nothing.

There was no rush of feeling in her veins, no drop in temperature in the room.

"Come on! Work!" She screamed as she clenched her left palm, desperate for anything to happen.

Stillness.

_Oh Anna, Anna, you're so naive. You think he's still around the castle. Or waiting outside the gates. Oh, Anna._

Elsa forced herself to stand, knocking over the wheelchair in her haste. "Standing will help, standing will help."

She closed her eyes and bit her lip and furrowed her brow, desperately trying to draw anything from within her up to her extremities. Even the smallest granule of frost would please her, because then it would serve as a sign that she wasn't too weak to produce her powers. If she saw a granule of frost, that would mean there was hope for it to come back. Hope that Olaf was still alive. Somewhere, there had to be a reservoir of power in her that would have kept Olaf alive, surely. He was as tied to her soul as she was to his. But then... That meant there was no hope, because Elsa was barely managing to keep herself alive as it was. How could she keep another being alive?

As she brandished her arms a last time, a wail of grief ripped through her soul, because she already knew what the outcome would be. She fell to the floor.

Nothing. There was nothing.

Elsa could feel the missing part of him in her bloodstream. Or rather, she could feel the absence. She had no energy to spare for another; her bloodstream was greedy enough as it was, struggling with the privilege of air and nutrients. There was no cold power left to rush alongside the essentials.

Elsa turned on the thing closest to her, the wheelchair, and shoved it weakly. It thudded against the door, a wheel still spinning. She found herself swaying and staggering around the room, ripping things from their place, breaking objects. A great mirror shattered under her fist and she fell heartbroken onto the shard-littered floor.


	11. Never Again

**Author's Note: Hi! So sorry for my long absence. I just finished school, so I will have a lot more time to work on this piece! Thank you all for your reviews; I do notice those who continually review and I love you. A quick note: I did finally go back and edit every chapter. The only chapter to have a major re-do is chapter four. So, feel free to check that out if you wish. Thanks for all the support. Keep reviewing; it makes my day. **

* * *

Anna hadn't been able to find Olaf anywhere. She hurried back to the Royal Gardens to let Elsa know this and to suggest they open the gates to search.

Elsa wasn't in the Gardens.

Anna rushed back into the courtyard. _Where would she go?_

* * *

Anna shoved the doors to the scullery open. "Ryia!"

The slender girl jumped, dropping a platter she'd been washing. Her seniors looked anxiously between the two. _Is she in trouble? _they thought collectively.

"Oh, Princess An-"

"Have you seen Elsa anywhere?"

Ryia turned from the sink, wiping suds on her shift. "No, I haven't seen her-"

Anna retreated hurriedly without a word. Ryia stood stock-still, a tug-of-war within her. _Did she want me to go with her...? Or should I stay here and do my work...?_

Ryia glanced at her superiors and squeaked, "Sorry!" She clutched her skirt and left the room, running in the direction Anna had gone.

* * *

Anna skidded to a halt in front of Elsa's new bedroom. The door was scuffed, paint shedding the side like feathers. But it wasn't that which had made her halt so suddenly. The noise from inside the room was thunderous. Animalistic wailing could be heard even from the hallway.

"Elsa! Elsa!" Anna wrenched the door handle, but it wouldn't open. She jiggled it furiously, rapping the door with an open palm. "Elsa! Elsa! Are you okay? Let me in!"

The noise from inside didn't stop.

Anna pressed herself against the door and yelled, "If someone's in there hurting my sister, you better leave now because I'm going to kill you!" Anna rammed her shoulder against the door frantically. "Elsa! Elsa! Are you okay? Please, say something!"

The sobbing quieted and was replaced with a raw, shrieked, "Go away!"

Anna stopped throwing herself at the door, realizing that it wasn't an intruder situation. She hit the door with an open palm in aggravation. "Elsa, let me in!"

The sobbing continued with no signs of it coming closer.

"I am _sick to death_ of waiting outside your door while you suffer, Elsa. You better let me in right now!" Anna yelled, fury in her voice.

The noise of Elsa's pain wafted under the crack in the door.

"Are you hurt? Talk to me. What happened?" Anna pleaded.

No answer came.

Anna set her mouth in a determined line and left.

* * *

"Elsa. Listen to me well. I am outside your door right now with a battle-ax I pulled from one of the suits of armor. If you don't let me in, I _will_ break this door down. I don't give a damn about the privacy you want. I need to make sure you are okay. I'm giving you ten seconds before I start hitting this thing against the door."

"Please," a cracked voice called. "Please leave me alone."

_Wrong answer. _Anna shifted her weight and brought the ax crashing against the door. Anna wasn't particularly adept at wielding an ax, so it took her six tries to finally break a slit through the door. She shoved her hand through the opening and unlocked the door from the inside, throwing the ax to the side in her haste.

Despite the door being unlocked, Anna still had to push heavily against the door to open it. It soon became apparent why. The wheelchair scraped backwards as the door opened. Anna gasped. The room looked as if a cannon had gone through it.

The bedsheets had been torn off the bed and were tangled on the floor. The armoire's drawers were pulled out, and one was missing. She followed the trajectory and found the missing drawer smashed to wooden smithereens against a far corner. One door of the armoire was hanging nearly parallel to the ground, only held in place by god knows what. A painting lay haphazardly against a desk, which was also out of place. A hole pierced the canvas. Ink wells had been smashed to the floor, and quills littered the room. In the far corner, a large mirror on legs was tilted downward, as if looking at Elsa confusedly. She lay in a heap, sobbing like Anna had never heard before. The floor was littered with glass and mirror shards, which Elsa seemed not to notice, despite being curled on the greatest concentration of them. A shard of mirror glinted from within her hair.

"Oh my God," Anna breathed. Maybe someone _had_ broken into the room, after all. Anna hurried to her sister, each step emitting a crunching sound.

"Elsa, are you okay? What happened?" Anna kneeled down carefully.

Elsa's eyes didn't open. She continued to wail like her heart was broken.

"Elsa, you're hurt," Anna stated.

There was no reaction.

Anna placed her hands on the queen's shoulders. "Elsa, you're bleeding. Please, get up." Anna became increasingly concerned at her sister's inability or refusal to acknowledge her. She took her sibling's arms, which she could actually feel the skin of because her dress had ripped, and implored, "Please, please, Elsa. What happened? Talk to me. What's wrong?"

Elsa turned her head away and choked on her tears.

"Elsa, you're hurt," Anna repeated, as if talking to a child. "Please, get up." It was obvious Elsa was incapable of following simple commands, so Anna sighed and stood over her. She reached down and picked the queen up, throwing her over her shoulder like a sack of potatoes. Elsa continued to wrack with sobs but her body was limp. Anna put Elsa into bed as gently as she could. The queen didn't move from the position she'd been put in and her unfocused eyes simply stared at the ceiling as tears dribbled down into her hair.

"Jesus Christ," Anna cursed. Elsa was freely bleeding from multiple wounds, some of which still had shards of mirror imbedded in her skin. Anna skittered back toward the door. "Don't. Move." She demanded.

* * *

She nearly ran into Ryia. "Oh, there you are!" Ryia exclaimed. "Why is there an ax-?"

"Just come," Anna demanded, grabbing her arm and dragging her back the way she'd came.

"Oh, my," Ryia whispered upon seeing Elsa's form. She backed up. "I'm going to need my tools..."

"I'll get them," Anna cut in. "Just, please, help her."

Ryia quickly described what supplies she needed and Anna whipped around the door.

The lithe girl walked cautiously forward, treating Elsa as if she were an injured animal.

"Elsa? Can you hear me?"

The queen clenched her eyes and bubbles of noise came from her throat before a weak, "Anna..."

"No, it's Ryia," the servant soothed.

_I've done it again. I've hurt people, _Elsa thought.

"I'm going to help you, alright? Can you tell me what happened? I need to know so I can help you get these injuries taken care of." Ryia bent down and unwound a sheet hastily. "I'm afraid I can't wait for Anna to get back. I need to start cleaning you up. Can I touch you?"

Elsa moaned in reply, her chest shuddering.

"I'm going to touch you, okay? Don't do anything to me. I'm trying to help you," Ryia said softly. She knew from experience with her mother's clients that extreme emotions or pain could make people act in a way they normally wouldn't. Her gaze raked over Elsa with a professional eye.

_Okay. Okay. There's a lot I need to take into account. I wish mother was here. She'd be better prepared for this than I. _Ryia shook her head. _Okay. Besides her other injuries, what's new? _

"Elsa, what's hurting you the most?"

_Everything._

Ryia huffed irritatedly at the silence. "Okay. I'm going to work on you hands and wrists first, Elsa, okay? Don't hurt me. I'm helping you."

She took hold of Elsa's forearm and wound the bed sheet around it in an attempt to staunch the flow of blood. Her hand was badly cut up. It was obvious to Ryia what she'd done. _It's important to keep her calm. She's panicking, so the blood's running faster. _

Anna rushed back in, laden down by tools.

"Oh, thank God," Ryia replied. "Drop that and go hold her leg up in the air, as close to ninety degrees as you can get." Anna did as she was told, lifting the left one high despite Elsa's screams.

_Shit shit shit. _

Ryia dug through the pile Anna had discarded, coming up with a cloth, jug of water, pliers, and alcohol.

Ryia leaped onto the bed and passed the alcohol off to Anna.

A large fragment of the mirror was protruding from Elsa's left kneecap. _She must have fallen onto it. _"I have to take that thing out," Ryia announced rapidly. "You need to pour the alcohol on the wound right after, got it?"

"Got it," Anna replied.

"I'm so sorry, Queen Elsa," Ryia muttered as she yanked the fragment out with the pliers. Elsa shrieked in pain.

Anna poured the alcohol over the wound to disinfect it, and Ryia hurriedly tied the cloth over the wound. "Hold this," she demanded. Anna shifted her attention to Elsa's leg and kept firm pressure on it while Ryia turned hers onto Elsa's hand.

It was quiet.

They both looked up to find Elsa had passed out.

Before Anna could say anything, Ryia informed, "She just fainted. She's fine. Just keep pressure on that. That's the most important thing for you to do."

Ryia unwound the bed sheet she'd placed around Elsa's hand. _Not as bad as before. _She pulled a strip of cloth and wound it tightly around Elsa's wrist, which had also suffered a large slash. Her hand pressed forcefully against the bandage, willing the blood to clot. _That vein's important. You need to clot, goddammit. _She lifted Elsa's arm up into the air at a ninety degree angle, knowing it would be more difficult for the blood to travel uphill as opposed to leaving it horizontal.

"Ryia?"

"What?" she answered sharply.

"The bandage is soaked, what do I do?"

Ryia sighed in relief. "Good for asking. Put another bandage on top of the knee. _Don't _remove the first; you'll undo the clotting that's taking place. Just put a new one on and press down."

Anna did this with wide eyes. "She's not going to lose her leg, right?"

"I can't talk right now," Ryia answered, hurriedly pulling supplies toward her. "Just be quiet and press!"

Ryia quickly wound a bandage around Elsa's hand. The blood had slowed from the cuts on her hand, but after running water through she recognized that the the skin was discolored and swelling. "Shit," she sighed.

"What?"

"She broke something in her hand. She is _not_ going to be happy when she wakes up."

"Can we give her some of the alcohol for the pain?" Anna asked.

"No," Ryia replied, "it thins the blood. We need the bleeding to stop before we can worry about her pain."

Anna grimaced. _What happened, Elsa? What happened to make you react this destructively?_

Ryia taped the queen's hand carefully and checked on her wrist. "The bleeding has slowed. I need you to hold the bandage on her wrist as well."

"I can't!" Anna exclaimed.

"Move." Ryia ordered, "But keep pressing on her knee."

Anna shifted closer and Ryia placed Elsa's arm on Anna's shoulder. Ryia extricated herself and moved to view the queen's face. There was a small cut on her cheek, but nothing that needed tending to immediately. She checked her pulse. It was very quick, but slowing with each beat. Ryia thanked her lucky stars that Elsa had passed out when she did; the blood loss had slowed considerably.

"Alright," Ryia finally said, "you can let go of the arm. I need to take a look at the leg."

She moved to the other end of the bed and replaced Anna's hands with her own. After a few minutes, she tied the bandage in place and sat back heavily.

Ryia and Anna's hands were both red with blood, and they both politely pretended not to notice.

"What do we do now?" Anna asked tiredly.

"We wait."


	12. A Sandstone Pillar and Marble Roof

**Author's Note: Hello, all! I hope you had a wonderful winter break/holidays! Sorry this story hasn't been updated lately. I have been dealing with a lot of life changes these past six months and they kind of all just hit me like a train! I was intending to get this up before Christmas, but ah, well. Happy belated Christmas to you. I hope you enjoy. And, as ever, I appreciate your continued reviews and favorites. They really do make my day. I love you all. Alright, commence with the reading!**

Elsa had woken up later that night, but to both Ryia and Anna's concern, she had remained unresponsive. Her eyes simply gazed at the ceiling above her. It was obvious to them both that Elsa was not just ignoring them, there was an actual problem somewhere within her, blocking her ability to comprehend or respond. Despite her unresponsiveness, the queen was not completely vague; there were very real tears in her eyes, that seemed to be ever-present, which ran down the side of her face and wetted the small hairs by her ears.

* * *

Ryia was dutiful to the queen, having been assigned as Elsa's personal physician by Anna. She had determined that it was more appropriate for Elsa to have a female physician, especially since she had seemed to make a more sincere connection with Ryia in a few days than she had with the court physician in all his years in the castle. If Anna were to be honest with herself, she was also keen to assign Ryia to Elsa's case because a couple days had passed since Elsa's breakdown, and Anna _had_ to get back to important matters. She trusted the young servant to care for Elsa with compassion and to come to Anna if her status changed. Anna admitted to herself that assigning Ryia to watch over the queen helped to assuage her guilt at having to leave her sister's bedside.

* * *

Not much had changed in the few days since Queen Elsa had been injured. She was still unresponsive. Ryia dressed her wounds daily, sometimes even a few times a day. Elsa hadn't been able to eat, but Ryia had managed to force water into the still ruler by soaking a sponge and holding it to her lips.

"Why is she like this?" Anna asked one day, appearing frazzled after a meeting. She'd obviously rushed to the room, which Ryia had started to put back together once she was sure her patient was taken care of.

"It could be shock," Ryia answered while folding some clothes. "Whether emotional or physical, I'm not sure. Could be both, I suppose, considering we don't know what happened to her."

Anna had done some thinking, trying to piece together the events that had led up to Elsa's breakdown. It had occurred to her that they had been talking about Olaf before she had left her sister. _If I hadn't left you, maybe this wouldn't have happened._

Anna sat in the chair that was now waiting for her by the bedside and placed her head in her hands, her elbows on her knees. Ryia took note of the Princess' posture, and turned back to the armoire, placing a dress upon a stack of others. The broken drawer still lay shattered against the wall opposite.

Anna dug at the hair on her scalp and stared at the pattern in her dress. She said emotively, "_Please_, Elsa. I need you right now. I don't know what to do. I _need _you." The Princess looked up, still hunched over, and saw no change in her sister's behavior.

"_Please, Elsa._"

The Queen lay motionless.

A breath of air escaped Anna, sounding like someone had kicked her in the stomach. "I need your help." She leaned forward, shaking, and clutched the bedsheet in a clawed hand. "You _said_ you wouldn't shut me out again!"

A hitched breath came from the queen.

"You heard that?" The question came out more like a command. "Elsa, answer me."

Elsa's chest started heaving. Ryia jumped and came toward the bed. "She's waking up," she said.

A drawn-out "Ow" left Elsa's lips, and her right hand found her bandaged left and cradled it.

Ryia started to ask her if she needed anything for the pain, but Anna leaned against the bed, trying to capture Elsa's gaze, and asked authoritatively, "Elsa, what happened?" Ryia looked as if about to argue with the redhead, but with a firm look Anna reminded her of the pecking order in the castle.

Elsa's eyes were still largely unfocused, but they were becoming clearer with each passing minute. "I- I," Elsa started. She swallowed and licked her lips. Her voice cracked and her mouth was dry. Elsa's eyes finally met Anna's with clarity, and then the elder sibling retreated, searching the younger's gaze.

"What? What happened, Elsa? Did someone get in your room and attack you?"

Ryia knew the answer. She'd known it ever since she'd seen the queen's swollen and cut left hand, broken from punching the mirror. Elsa shook her head, looking into Anna's eyes in such a way the younger had never seen before. The piercing look caused Anna's heart to hurt, though she couldn't explain why.

Anna felt tears gathering at the corner of her vision. Still unsuspecting, she managed a thick, "..why?"

Elsa's face broke and a clenched sob burst from her throat. _You don't know, still? Anna, I've killed your friend._

"I'm so sorry," she said instead.

There was a certain look that Anna had come to know, starting from the time she was fifteen. It was a certain mixture in the eyes that never showed for any reason except to break the news of death. It was a haunted look. It was often scared of the recipient's reaction. It was a look offering weak comfort, like a sandstone pillar, because the person bearing the news hardly knew how to get on without their loved one, but they still offered comfort to the other. For a split second, that struck Anna as such an Elsa thing to do - for her sister to be the sandstone pillar holding Anna's marble roofing. Surely the pillar would collapse, but the roof would fall to the ground without sustaining much damage. It was a look of pity because one person knew something the other didn't. Most of all, it was a look that showed that somehow, time had stopped. Maybe not forever, maybe not to everyone. But time, the most counted on thing in the universe, something that was a constant, _had_ certainly stopped for one person.

It was all swirling there in the queen's blue eyes. Anna recognized that look in Gerda and Kai, who had been the ones to break the news of her parents' death to her. She had seen fragments of the same look in the priest who had overseen her parents' funeral and in the guests who had attended wearing black. She had never seen it in Elsa's eyes until now, having not been privy to seeing Elsa's mourning process. In hindsight, she realized why her sister had not mourned with her; surely Elsa's powers had been too unmanageable back then, and especially when under such grief.

Anna had been still the last several seconds as she processed this. "I'm sorry," Elsa repeated, praying Anna would understand what she was trying to convey. _Don't make me say it. Don't make me say it out loud. I can't. _

In a choked voice, Anna finally asked, "Olaf? ...What? How?"

The last reserve of disciplined strength Elsa had managed to hold onto during the last few minutes dissolved. She cried with her hands to her eyes while Anna sat there stiffly.

The younger pulled herself together and scooted toward the injured ruler. Ryia made her way out the door.

Elsa was starting to acquire that vague, haunted look again. "Elsa, please, stay with me," Anna said quietly, putting her hands on Elsa's cheeks. "Tell me what happened. It's okay."

"It's not okay," Elsa growled, curling her fingers against her thigh. "Nothing about any of this is _okay_."

"Tell me what happened," Anna pleaded. "Don't keep this inside yourself, Elsa, you know that's bad for you."

The allusion to her powers made a harsh laugh escape from the Queen.

"_Why are you laughing?" _Anna hissed. "Goddammit, tell me what's going on!"

"I- I can't, Anna," the brunette replied. "Everything is... falling apart around me, and Olaf is dead because of me. You really shouldn't care about what happens to me. You should just leave me here to rot. I am inept to rule. I am the complete failure of our parents. You... you are the epitome of what every parent wants. You'll grow into grace. You will learn how to rule -"

"Stop," Anna snapped.

"- and govern. You've always been bright. I know you will do a better job than I ever could. You connect with people more, you enamor people with your bashful elegance. I have only ever pushed away, been the 'ice queen' who no one feels they can crack. Our own parents were afraid of me, as they rightfully should have been."

"Stop it, Elsa."

"After all, they built those chains in the dungeon. They were right to fear what I could do, what I couldn't control. They needed a back-up plan because they were too kind to put me out of my misery."

"Dammit, Elsa, stop it!"

"I guess everyone else has won, though-"

"Please, Elsa-"

"-because there's no need to fear me anymore. I'm useless. The _one thing_ I could count on. The _one thing_ that ensured I was useful to this kingdom was my ability to defend it. I may not have the best relations with neighboring kingdoms, or even with my subjects. I am cold and reserved, even to you. Why would anyone want me as a ruler? Certainly not for my people skills. I was _good_ for Arendelle because above all else, everyone knew I would defend it with my life. I am frightening to other nations because they don't understand my powers. If nothing else, I was good for Arendelle for this reason. But now, I am useless."

"Elsa, what happened to your powers?" Anna squeaked.

"I'm useless. _They're gone_." Elsa ripped the blankets off and started pacing the floor rapidly across from Anna. With each hurried step, Elsa breathed heavily and limped.

"You shouldn't walk on that," Anna murmured, her face pale.

"The _one thing,_" Elsa started, whipping to look back at her sister, "the _one thing_ I could count on all my life is gone. Anna, what was the reason, then, of all those _years_ of solitude? What was the reason?" The queen looked as if she wanted to break something, but knowledge of her condition and her desire to not make any more injuries for herself made her pause. Her hands shook at her side, desperate to grab anything and hurt it. _It's not fair! _She wanted to make something externally look as bad as she felt internally. She wanted to show her sister how _sick_, how _hurt_ she was. She was tired of trying to explain things - she wanted to show them, she wanted others to see.

"Even if I hated them at the time, I could _always_ rely on my powers to be there. When papa wasn't, when mama wasn't, when you weren't there, I had one thing I could count on. And even though they taught me to fear them, my powers were still _a part of me_, Anna."

Anna was too frightened to move toward her sister, who was clearly on the edge of a hysterical fit. However, the queen's rapid pacing was starting to slow, no doubt from the pain emanating from her knee up to her thigh and hip. There was a thin sheen of sweat on her forehead and she was looking a little green.

The queen stumbled and fell to the floor, cursing when she landed on her knee. This prompted Anna to rise hurriedly from the bed and go to her sister's side. Elsa sat in an unnatural position on the floor, favoring her injured limbs. Anna knelt down but made no move to touch her. When the queen finally looked up to Anna's face, there were tear streaks on her cheeks and she confessed, "I don't know who I am anymore, Anna."


End file.
